Not My Job
Today started out as a very mellow morning of reflection and meditation. I woke early so I could catch up on some reading I’d been stockpiling and then eased into the day with a nice conversation with Edy.
My internal winds shifted without warning and I was soon in an emotional downdraft, plummeting into the black hole of rage. If I’m honest, the “without warning” part is flatly untrue. Everything that got me “cranked up” today was a culmination of subtle and not so subtle hints that were fore-shadowing events to unfold.
One of the beautiful things about my job is the “design process” and the “math”.
If I do my job correctly, things get built correctly and everyone is happy, one or two years down the road when the project is complete. If any of the ga-zillion elements that go into a project get overlooked, fudged or short cuts taken, then there are going to be problems. The math doesn’t lie and neither to the “plans”. Mess with one component and you soon have a ton of problems that all point back to the original “whoops”. Many times I am the Whoops-“er” and have to send out revisions and addenda and fall on my sword in front of my colleagues/clients confessing to them all that despite all they may think of me “I’m Human”………They usually reply, “and …?” Other times I get a call or will be visiting a site and will be pulled aside by a whoops-“ee” who proceeds to tell me “that despite all I may think of him/her”,….. “you’re human too ?”…I just finish it for them, because I know how painful it is to admit that little known fact.
Then there are times I will get a call from someone who is just dying to point out my “human-ness” either in truth or through their own “human-ness”. I feel both sad and angry at these folks because they’re a sub-set in the “build” community who’s sole purpose it is to find “whoops” on the design end so that they can “shaft” (I thought hard about the correct word) the design team / owner. Of course once one of these “finders” raises their flag, it’s game on. Human–vs- Human,digging for dirt and sucking all the joy right out of the project. These folks can make what has been a “pleasant and creative” process arduous and miserable. On the other end they now have me sifting through EVERYTHING they do, touch, install, pay, don’t pay, submit, clean up etc….to find homeostasis. Usually somewhere down the line we all settle down and they see that this is what “I” do & I just figure it’s their job and how they feed their families and mutual respect is achieved via responsible adult interactions.
Then there are days like today.
Perhaps you too have experienced the type of person who blames YOU for their crappy: (fill in the blank here) …life, job, skill set, education, happiness, un-happiness, childhood, adulthood, income, vacation, broken car , mixer, printer, problems…….and on and on…because they asked “your counsel” on all the above for hours on end….and heeded none of it …..so, YOU must be the problem here, (they’re actually right) They also seem to fall under the sub-set of ones that YOU have paid to perform a service or job, that they then they screw up. No “whoops” . No, my gosh, you’re right that is not my best work, NO, they then blame YOU !!! Because YOU wanted them to do it correctly not only the 1st time but 2nd time and every other time you PAID them to do it !!! And then they ask, “you mean Everytime ????”
After today I will answer “Actually NO, I should have stopped at the first time you failed to take responsibility for yourself, ugh.”
I am find that I'm having better days when I retire a few of the hats I have worn so proudly for all these years; they’re getting a bit ratty. I’m not sure when I took on the role of counselor, teacher, mentor, advisor or any of the other personas that hide under the assorted brims. It’s been a gradual “collection” I’ve apparently gathered to bolster some other parts that must have felt lacking or perhaps even superior. I am slowly beginning to feel that all my various skills need to focus in-house from now on, because any energy directed outside these walls is just not my job.
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