Critical “I”

Critical “I”

“Hump day” has turned out to be like the previous two days this week. Anticipated connections fizzled and bright possibilities from the days/weeks previous dimmed as realities were exposed. The tendency is to slide towards the “slippery slope” but for whatever reason I’m taking all these continued “thwarts” as a sign that they were just not meant to be anyway, (for today at least).

I’ve been making a really conscious effort to keep gratitude and positivity in the forefront of my thinking and interactions with other humans, not that I have that many encounters these day. It’s too easy to get into the “aint it awful” game, particularly in an election year. I’m fortunate to have a small little project I’m doing now that allows me a creative outlet and I’m quite grateful for the opportunity.  It is exactly like the work I used to do when I first started in business a few decades ago so it goes quite quickly.

My bike ride to yoga was hotter than the blazes, even though it was before noon when I left. Class was hot and super humid and this month classes have been very small. So our intimate little group sweats and moves and stretches and rest as a “squad” and not the “platoon” that the space usually holds.  

I’ve been making some great improvements in my practice as I can now reach where no reaching was possible, stretch where no stretching was possible and bend where no bending was even considered to be a possibility.  It’s really hard work but after 8 months I am amazed at what has been accomplished with this old beat up body of mine. One of the first things on my list in the morning is a big ol ‘ THANK YOU to my body. It functions amazingly AND is getting better each day.

In my business details are everything. Space, Light, Form, Pattern. Flow, composition etc….everything must harmonize and blend toward making the most pleasing “environment” possible. Therefore for many years I have been quite critical of others spaces yet never more critical than the attention I give to those I have created. Same goes for my photography, furniture designs, systems of all sorts and business in general. “Critical” to the MAX !............It used to serve me well for a very long time but I am re-thinking my relationship with the Critical “I”.

After class today I overheard a young girl speaking to one of the women at the desk. “But my belly” she was saying. “It’s so big and those other girls are all, like models”. “Ouch”, I thought to myself . The front desk woman handled it all perfectly explained how yoga works and how body image also changes with the practice. “Humm, others with Critical “I” ‘ s” I thought to myself, it was good to witness it from this perspective. For my first 40 days in class I wore a tshirt because I was too self conscious of my “large-ness”. After 40 days at 105 degrees I figured out that “I” was the only one looking at me and “I” better get over it. Everyone in the place has only one person on their minds – themselves (except when Edy is in the room and then….well, I just can’t help myself).  The other thing I heard today during class is that being critical with yourself for your yoga class would be equivalent to being critical with yourself for taking a bath. 

Its yoga !.........................It’s a bath !!........................It’s a breath !..................It just IS.

So as I was riding my bike home in the solar oven and humidity I began thinking that all this effort toward “sowing new seeds of business” and “helping out” has not really gone all that well lately. The last few projects I’ve had resisted my “suggestions” of  various “improvements” that could benefit them. I’m beginning to realize that sometimes it’s better to just hold off on “suggestions” until asked for them despite being paid for just such advice. Some folks just want what they want – period. The one exception to this has been our yoga studio. I made a long list of suggestions of things that could use to be fixed/altered or repaired and just left it with the owner, no charge. Next thing I know things are getting fixed, hazards repaired and energy saved. “Humm,I thought, perhaps  the Critical “I” might need to become a volunteer, then I remembered that THAT is exactly what he has done for all years past. “Volunteer Information” requested or not………………I then re-thought the re-thought and decided that the Critical “I” just IS……We’ll agree to just get over it and leave it at that.

“I” am not going anywhere.