Time WILL Tell

My Back Yard Series                                                          Thinking Tree                                                         c-2012

Time Will Tell

I had an opportunity to meet with some folks yesterday to go over their planned project and it was a very positive exchange. It’s a small residential project but has tremendous potential and I have been stoked about it since I first field measured the place earlier in the month. Owners travel a lot and have multiple plates spinning constantly, so it’s taken quite a bit of time to coordinate a meeting. Of course this presented challenges for me because all of my “thoughts” for the place were in place before I packed up my lasers, camera and tape measurers many weeks ago, but that’s my problem and I was happy we met.   In the interim I was able to get all the as-builts done and move the ConDocs forward so even if a change was made yesterday it would be just a matter of adjusting and keep moving forward. Fortunately they too are stoked, so we’re moving forward with full steam.

It’s a cool older home with like most in the development. Houston still has no zoning codes so it is not unusual to have a 30 story hi-rise next to a 50’s ranch, literally. Fortunately this neighborhood was well planned early enough that it is indeed fully residential and is one of the areas I ride through on bike ride #2. There are some challenges in the home which are to be expected but none as critical as the exterior siding. ASBESTOS, yep………ugh. “Hazardous Waste” no matter how you cut it and unfortunately I have to cuts some of it away for the planned work. It’s manageable and fortunately I have been dealing with this stuff long enough that I can easily skip through the hoops and will be tested on this soon.

As I looked again at the siding I thought to myself that this was “State of the Art” material “back in the day”. Fireproof, Weather Proof, Easily cut….etc….Of course now we know that it a major contributor to all kinds of cancers and frankly is a mess. Of course that got me thinking about many of the other “State of the Art” fads and crazes folks (me too) get hooked into. I used to have a LORAN on my boat – Military Grade “State of the Art”……could not give it away once GPS became available. I had rooms of Drafting Tables and “Drawing Instruments” that I also could not give away once CADD became the norm, Then I thought about “Wonder Drugs” but that bummed me out too quickly, then Diet Fads, Safe Cars, Airplanes, Space Shuttles, (Fashion does not count because you KNOW going in that IT is going out)  …..and on and on……………Time WILL Tell how much VALUE anything has………..and most times you won’t even have to wait until ..”the end of the day”………..In YOUR lifetime you WILL know, guaranteed.

I finished up really early with the meeting and went over to the yoga studio to sit on my bench and make my meeting minutes and outline my specs for the work that I planned later in the evening. As I sat and wrote I watched my bird buddies frolic in the communal o-furo next to the gutter; they were having a blast. As I watched I spied a older gent with a little white puffy dog (breed?) and a boy of about 10 walking out of the far buildings and through the parking lot. They were deep in conversation as they turned right and soon left my sight. I continued to write my notes and sketch some structural details I would later plug into CADD and said a quick thank you to the talent gods that I learned how to do this early on as most graduates today would need and electronic appendage to do what I was doing with a #2HB and a notebook.

I head soft voices coming from my blind spot on my left and as they got louder I heard bits and pieces of a conversation which soon became very clear as the three-some from across the street made their circle back in front of me. “Well, they don’t believe in Saints or Mother Mary or many other things we hold true as part of our religion” The (assuming) Grandpa was explaining to the (assuming II) grandson. The young boy was nodding and the “grandpa” continued to explain other things as they continued past until such a point that I could no longer so or hear them. “Good Catholics” I said to myself as I returned to my bird watching. “Bravo to Grandpa too”…………..”And the Grandson too”………..”shoot, and to the puffy dog too for that matter”. “What a pleasant and informative stroll they just had. Yes, Bravo Indeed !”

I cranked until the wee hours on the project and picked it up again early this AM to get it out the door ASAP. I broke for church and yoga and had good experiences at both venues. I was sandwiched in between two of my favorite regulars, one of whom you may remember in that she sings her heart out in her own personal key and the other dances with similar enthusiasm. I was definitely “vibrating” on my way home from there. Yoga was a later class and it was pretty full. Then later, I had a chance to catch up with a fellow yogi I miss because of schedule conflicts and that was a really unexpected perq. We discussed a myriad of topics that all centered around gratitude on varying levels. I like those kinds of conversations.

Well, I’ve been working on the project for quite some time and just wanted to take a break to use another part of my brain before I “get back to it” throughout the night. It feels really good to doing work I enjoy , particularly for folks who also enjoy it. Sometimes I get really bogged down trying to figure out why these “slow periods” come and why they always cause angst? Things always work out just fine and history has shown this to be the case time after time………..Time HAS Told Me This already, and for what ever reason the "reception" seems so much clearer today. 

Simple Twist Of Fate

Simple Twist of Fate

I just about finished my next novel through the early morning hours until I could not keep my eyes open any longer (mission accomplished).  I awoke pretty early anyway and looked out to see that it was grey and rainy. “Ugh” I thought. I got up to get some coffee going and see what happened in the world while was engrossed in the life of the protagonist du’ jour and not paying any real attention. Nothing too exciting was happening in the world that early and the correspondence I was hoping for did not arrive so I slowly felt the clouds enter the apartment right over my head, just like Charlie Brown.

I had a quick FB Txt correspondence with Edy before she had to accompany the gang for the morning school drop offs. That exchange gave me a bit of a nudge in the right direction and I decide to ride the long way to yoga in the rain early to wash off the schmutz that had condensed on me over the preceding few hours.

As I left the building I turned left and went around a bunch of puddles and headed out with determination to be cleansed of this “blah”. As soon as I crossed the busier of the streets the sky cleared and the sun shone brightly on the glistening streets. “Humm?”, I said to myself, “So much for plans”.  As I rode I was surprised at the number of fallen branches and leaves on the ground as well as how fast toadstools can grow in this part of the country. “Wow, must have been some storm” I said to no one at all. I could immediately feel the steam coming off the streets and again said to no one “Ok, Steam bath it will be”.

As I rode near a shopping area I could see a couple with a young child in the distance having a huge argument near the bus stop. I mean HUGE !! At first I thought one of them was being accosted with bags of stuff flying around and arms waiving and mouths open in very red faces. As rode closer I could see that the argument was escalating as arms were flying everywhere and faces were getting redder. As I came upon them I was amazed that they both were deaf and “communicating” their argument totally with arms,legs and mouthing. NO SOUNDS were coming out at all !!!  I slowed a bit as I passed and looked at the little boy who standing near his mom with his head down. He saw me pass slowly as I approached the stoplight and I just eyed him and signaled the universal U-OK? Sign by pointing and making a circle with my thumb and finger. He nodded his head and the “parents” saw me too and started picking up their bags of stuff while the mom put her arm around the boy. “Ugh, I don’t think this is over” I thought as I waited for the “Walk,Walk,Walk” squawker to announce the all clear for the seeing impaired. At that particular moment I wish I was. DELETE DELETE DELETE……No I don’t but it was a hard one to watch.

My cloud from the morning had evaporated just like the vapor ceiling above my head as I reached yoga. Class was super hot and humid and I survived again giving thanks for a body that “keeps on ticking” and excelling in this practice day after day. I rode home feeling pretty good even as the wind shifted and offered a bit of resistance to my forward progress. I made it home quickly and immediately snagged a book to return to the library and just like a NASCAR driver pulled out of the pit stop with wheels smoking.

Traffic was heavier than usual and I was reminded that Fridays are mental half days here and folks are already on their way to the weekend. I changed course and took the residential side streets to the library and avoided any issues. The library was also very busy with kids getting out of school, older folks (like moi’) and many street folks who frequent this particular branch. I found a bag full of books quickly and used the self checkout to expedite my #2 pit stop and return to base.  As I was unlocking my bike a couple of the street folks came by and commented on my “cool bike” and then asked “if I rode a lot?” “Well, this past month I’ve only driven the car once” I said to them both. “I ride everyday about 6 or 7 miles some days more”. They both nodded that that was an acceptable ride and then chatted about some other stuff to each other that frankly did not make too much sense (to me) but they “got it” and waved goodbye as I peddled off.  

As I rode home I was reminded how easy it is to become consumed with the things we want, don’t have or think we need to survive. Way too easy ! So with each peddle stroke home I listed to the heavens all the things I am SO grateful for at THIS MOMENT……………………Healthy Kids/Grandkids , Beautiful Wife, Big Love all around, Healthy Body, All of my limbs, All of my Senses, Extra Senses,  Love, Talent, Opportunity,  Mind, Home, Bike, Yoga, Food, ……………and on and on……….I believe the saying is: “but for the grace of god, go I" which might just might also = “a simple twist of fate”.

The sun felt really good on my face as I wove through traffic………..really good.

Ho-De-Doe

                      Door #3                                            Acama Pueblo                                                                  c- 2006

 

Ho-De-Doe

I devoured my latest novel in record time and started the next one in the wee hours last night. Even with all the TV channels available to us on cable I have a hard time finding anything that “sends me” and enjoy reading more anyway when Edy is gone.

Meetings and communication in general have been slow here in Bayou City, as the majority of the population has left the building or just stays in perpetual siesta during this month. I heard from several folks today that this is “the way it is” here. “Oh, OK then”, I’ll stop pushing so hard and ease up on trying to “pin down” specific times, places dates for meetings to happen and just “siesta-tize” that energy for another day.

During a conversation yesterday with Edy and then another one again later today it dawned on me that all of the greatest “gifts” in life I’ve ever received came when I was really not paying too much attention to anything in particular and just “walked into them” (gifts). Be it personal, business, relationships or just plain insights. The “gifts” happen when I simply walk through a door that has opened in front of me and automatically move into the “next”.  This has gone on all my life yet, I continue to “feel the need” to knock politely, then harder, try the handle,  then pound, then use a battering ram to get in a door that is obviously closed and locked for a reason only to find it’s empty and a lot of time, energy and effort has been expended in the forcing……….for naught, (all over again)…………Go figure?

The latest “dawning” came as I was riding my bike home from yoga yesterday. No need to get into particulars but all of a sudden things Edy has been saying to be for almost a decade now “clicked” , I shifted my thinking just a half a degree and wooooosh all of a sudden I was through the door of a new paradigm and into a new reality. Now realize, I have been forcing, reading, seeking counsel and questioning these ways of being for almost 10 years; but as I was peddling in the hot sun after sweating like crazy person for 90 minutes, the door that has been opened for me so long ago was no longer in front of me,  it was now behind me and I was in a mentally “new place for the very first time”.  I was in a state of ….wow !

I am blessed to have such a wonderful woman like Edy in my life who continued to ho-de-doe open for me for all of these years!. SO Blessed !  I shared my new insights with her and I could feel her arms relax a bit from 1500 miles away as they must be very tired from holding that particular door open for so long. As I continue to settle in to these new “dawning’s”    I am reminded of other times when the door was open just a fraction of a second or opened very slowly and for whatever reason at THAT time, I chose to “walk through” to the next.

I’ve been attending a Men’s meeting across the street for several weeks now and really enjoy it.  For almost 30 years I’ve attended other Men’s meetings but they are nothing like these. Demographics are as diverse as the globe and the shared passion for understanding and betterment permeates the room and their daily lives. While I was there I wished that all the men and boys in my life could enjoy such comrades and send that wish out as intention. I realize that everyone in life has their own path and must take their own steps but sometimes it is just so nice to walk into a new place without even knowing doors were in anyway involved.

This is my wish.

 



 

 

 

 

 

 

 



No More Second Hand GOD

Cheezy Tourist Shots                                                  Ranchos #16                                                                c-2007

No More Second Hand God

I awoke with high expectations for the day. I had planted a number of business seeds last week and I was certain that today I was going to get to see a little green poking through the top of the soil; or at least get a phone call. By 11am phones were silent and inboxes for emails were deserted. “Hum”, I thought as I prepared to leave for yoga, “Is it really gonna be another one of those days?”

As I rode to class I thought about Monday mornings in the corporate world and how it would always take until late Tuesday or Wednesday for me to get answers on things from those folks, as they needed to ramp back up and my days were 24/7; in that I owned the place and had the luxury of spending nights-weekends-holidays cranking stuff out for the sake of “progress”. 

Class was good with one of our favorite instructors and I spent time afterward going over the Scope of Work I had put together for the Owner with several contractors. Most of the work is required because of poor workmanship by previous contractors so I spent a lot of time going over details and more details  written, graphic and “in the attic” where the temperature was deadly.

One of the good things about my training was that I learned from really talented folks who knew how to do it right and only do it once. I am cursed with an inherent “?really?” meter so if something smells fishy with a proposed solution I can generally sift through it until I “feel” where the potential problem will lie down the road and address it early on. Having to warrant my own work for years has honed this skill.

As I rode home I thought of the structure shown in the photo above. Saint Francis of Assisi – Ranchos de Taos,NM  (the most painted/photographed church in North America). It was first built in the 1500’s then burned a bunch of times and this one built in the 1700s – Every year the parishioners all gather as a community and mix adobe and straw and the women of the group apply it by hand all over the exterior surfaces. They do it once (a year) and do it right. Their neighbors across the mountain in Penasco got lazy a decade or so ago and got talked into applying a latex based surfacing agent over their adobes. It looked GREAT on the outside for year after year until one weekend the entire south side collapsed. Then the east and west walls caved in. It appears that the latex held in the moisture and would not let it escape and we all know from our Southwestern Construction Algebra that moisture(m) x (a) adobe=MUD/YIKES…………Kind of gives a whole other meaning to “Holy Sh%^ !!”.  Needless to say the parishioners in Penasco now pray in trailers. Children’s Children will be atoning for that one and all will be forgiven from above but the bigger question will be “did they learn anything?”  I try not to get into those debates but sometimes I do enjoy being a spectator.

I returned home to find “nada” on the phone or the inbox. “Yep, it IS one of those days” I said out loud.  I took the time to “converse” with Edy via FB-Txt and do a bit of research on some things I had not gotten to last week. While doing research I was reminded of one of my favorite author/thinkers and a poem he wrote in 1940. His entire book is fascinating but the title poem has always stuck with me and I'll share a small part of it for you:

No More Second Hand GOD.

“Here’s to verbs !”

ONLY a Test!

ONLY a Test!

Storms continued throughout the night and sleeping was fitful, again. I awoke for the umpteenth time at 3:33am to shut off the computers and despite only trying to sleep for a little bit weighed whether I should just stay up and relieve myself of the forcing of slumber which was definitely having the opposite effect.   I decided to give it another shot and used a new jujitsu move I’d recently read about to induce some zzzzz’s. It obviously worked because I was up and making coffee before 8 and sat out for a bit on the porch getting wet as the storm pelted our town from the NW. Grey, dismal and very wet.

I decided I’d forego church this morning and just leave early to ride for a long time in the rain and hit yoga at noon from the south. I was able to catch Edy before she too set out for church and she reminded me how much I enjoy the church scene and that in addition to a portion of a dream I had convinced me that my morning “plan” was probably not the best one for me on this day.

I quickly took a shower, dressed grabbed an umbrella and headed out through the monsoon to get “my seat” at church as fast as possible. The lower entrances were closed and blocked by flood gates (seriously) and I had to be pretty creative as I worked my way past the ponds of rainwater that had overwhelmed the storm water system. “This is going to be a BIG problem come Hurricane time” I said to myself as I looked again at the floodwaters rising.

The place was packed as usual and as I took my seat I felt glad that Edy had yet again “steered me right”, like she always does. Music was good, messages on all fronts were also good and I left feeling really up. As I exited, I could see that the rain had stopped and given the storm drains a chance to do their thing and path home was not going to require a ferry.

As I walked up the hill with the throngs of other up folks I was again reminded of a part of my dream last night. In the dream I was passed a note (yellow post-it) by someone I did not know who said it was for me. It simply said in pencil …..“I left the keys in the Word”, and was signed GOD. In the dream I looked all around and it appeared that I was in Grand Central Terminal at rush hour. The Clocks, the Stairs, the noise, people etc………I looked around and tried to find the messenger and to also see if I could find out who was playing the joke on me. Too many people………….ugh. “Who would send me this ? and What keys?...........What word?......”Oh, I get it, The Bible,Quoran,Torah ??.... that seems almost too simple…”really?” OR maybe its just A word………..Humm, like LOVE?.....that is where I left it......I then drifted off to another place and awoke to the rain pelting the windows.

I’ve had similar dreams all my life. Once when I was a teenager I was convinced that if I could only decode the words and hieroglyphs on the chalk board I’d have THE ANSWER. Later I’d have books thrust at me and I’d try to read and glean their meaning only to find out that they were in Cyrillic or Kanji or Arabic. Yet, THE Answers eluded me.

This past decade has been a series of tests on so many different fronts that it spins my head and my heart to think about them all. It seems that as soon as one “test” is mastered another comes around to test the test and ensure comprehension on a completely different level. I have shared with Edy on several occasions that I feel a grooming that began a long time ago continues and I feel it more now than ever. I keep thinking it’s going to be some kind of lightning bolt or  a particular day that I’ll have some epiphany as to what it all about, but the answers continue to elude me.

As I crossed the street and walked home I had the thought that each test rubs up against something in me that is out of place and not in keeping with my vision for me as a better man, a better husband, father or grandfather. Like sandpaper, these tests rub me and “irritate” me until the rough edges are smoothed and then I can be held up to the light to reveal any other areas that need polishing. Uncomfortable, yes – forever no.

I walked into the garage and punched the elevator for our floor and thought again about another recurring theme that has been coming up again and again this week. Positive Expectation. I’ve never given a lot of thought to these words in combination as I have always felt that everything that goes on in our lives is “right on schedule” and “for the best” and just kind of let it all go so I did not have to endure the feelings that come with things that FEEL lousy at that moment. I just let that sit with me until it was time for yoga.

I left early for class so I could take the long way there and get more exercise. As I rode I sifted all of these feelings and thoughts around and let them integrate into my body as I peddled. Class was good but super full, over 60 hot bodies, sweating in unison. I keep making progress and as I was struggling through one pose I find very challenging I remembered what one of the other teachers says as he goes through his dialog……….”Smile……….. it’s only yoga”………….

I rode home faster than usual hoping the added exercise of the day will help the sleeplessness and thought back to all the “Tests” of the past decade and those still to come and then thought to myself………….”Smile…… THIS IS JUST A TEST”…..”pass or fail makes no difference and it sure beats the alternative of not being tested anymore because of graduating on to obsolescence”.

With that thought I peddled a bit harder, smiled a bit wider and spoke directly to the wind in my face, “Thanks” I said, “I still don’t "get it"….. but please keep those tests coming until I do".

Hurdy Gurdy Man

Hurdy Gurdy Man

“Ok”, I said to myself as I awoke, took a deep breath and looked at my nightstand, “It’s gonna be OK”. I stood up and headed out to make coffee and slowly turned back to look again and thought, “Humm, I’m not too sure about that”.  I walked into kitchen, ground up some coffee and put the water on to boil. “Crap” I said to no one as I prepared the filter and cup in preparation of the morning’s 1^st cup-o-joe.

“Moderation is the key” as I understand it, but when it comes to good books I lack discipline in any form. Last night was a perfect example, two books going at the same time, yet I had managed in my gluttony to just about finish them both and WILL finish them tonight, so that means – “bookless” again for another Sunday evening, ugh. “Cowboy up” I coached myself, “you’ll survive”.............................. “I” knew “I” was right.

I plugged away on some structural calcs over the first cup of coffee and then read the previous evenings news as I finished the second. Election years are such knee-slappers, (if they weren’t so darned sad).  I was able to get a txt through to Edy before she took off on weekend errands with the gang and I headed to yoga. It was overcast and the ride was especially good because I caught the light as I crested the overpass and made the left turn onto the feeder road at 45mph. “I need to time for this every day” I pre-minded myself as I kept my speed up all the way to the next intersection.

Class was good. We had new teacher but she kept the dialog going well so it was like……well, riding a bike !  It occurred to me while I was making another millimeter of progress on a certain pose that slow work times = extra time for yoga improvement. “Hum, all part of the ol’ Master Plan, eh ? , I can live with that”.

I met with one of the other instructors afterward and had a nice conversation about Bikram in Bogota and yoga in general before we went and looked at some repairs he was helping to fix. It only took about a minute to confirm what we needed to do and I then took off toward home. Thunderstorms were rumbling and I made it about half way before getting a very refreshing drenching, second day in a row. I took the opportunity of the rain to swing around and hit the grocery store for some lentils as I’ve been wanting some for dinner for several days now. They were on sale and I took this as JOSS that I had selected the “perfect legume” for today’s dinner.

As dinner cooked I wrapped up my structural detail sheets and listened to a full album of Donovan’s which I used to actually own “back in the day”. I like his tunes and (kinda) named our business after one of them . Youtube has turned out to be a blast lately. I listen to Firesign Theater, Monty Python and others as I fulfill my “laugh a day” quota. It might be easier if I actually interacted with other humans, but               for now this works.  I also get to listen to great classical and jazz tunes too that I only know from NPR or Saturday Operas as well as Jimi, Leon, Janis and the other I still enjoy. I’ve also experimented with listening to folks I’ve never heard of before too……………yes, I know “whack”!

Storms have kept up all day and it’s pretty noisy out there. Might have to adjourn to the “reading room” a bit early tonight and get a jump on wrapping those volumes; realizing of course that by 1am I will be twiddling my thumbs and searching for non-infomercial channels to get me through til morning.

Just another day in the life of the Hurdy Gurdy Man.  

Wa

Wa

Sleep does not come too easily these days. It’s only been a couple of weeks since I left Edy in Taos to head back here but it seems like eons, particularly in the wee hours. Despite having a couple of good books going (one of which I am really liking) and access to a ga-zillion channels available on cable I find it hard to get to sleep and harder to stay there when Edy is not here. In fact one of the 1^st things I noticed when we got together all those years ago was that I slept through the night(s)….I never slept through the nights in all my life and I took note of that fact then and there!...............and have been spoiled ever since.

So, I got up pretty early and drew for a while until it was time to chat via FB-txt with Edy as she woke up. I then packed up and headed off to noon yoga in the heat again. I made good time and sat on “my bench” and watched the cardinals and doves do their thing waved “hi” or should I say “Hola” to the guy who sells ice cream to the kids via his special three wheel bike contraption. I dig this guy and every time I see him feel I am in Cuidad Mexico, Monterey or Saltillio….. “rrrrrr-ring”…………..”rrrr-ing”………..even his thumb actuated bell has an accent as he draws out each ring for as long as possible.

I read his mind as he passes everyday at 11:30 as he says to himself, “pobre gringo, every day I see him and he still has no job, just sits there watching the birds’”…….  I resist the urge to tell him to hang back for 10 more minutes because then the prior class will be coming out and the little pictures of ice-cream all over his cooler-basket will be irresistible to the throngs of the hot and sweaty. But that is not my “job”.

The birds were verging on heat stroke today too and one little nut hatch went from branch to branch looking for goodies, then would sit for a bit and pant until he had enough reserves to keep it going. A very bold grackle walked right up to me and looked me in the eye as if to say “you talking to ME?” – If he was a cat he would have been a scrappy old Tom with only parts of ears.  This reminded me of my previous nights channel surfing and watching Taxi Driver again with a young Rbt DeNero doing the original version of that now classic line. Anyway, I was in my “zone”, mellow and zen like,  when out of nowhere the landscape guys materialize with weed-whackers and shoulder mounted blowers going at full blast attacking weeds, leaves and my Wa in the most violent manners possible. The birds boogied but for me, there was no escape from the assaults. I just sat and did my best to ignore them, It’s MY Wa !!

Class was almost unbearable (heat and humidity) but I survived and then peddled back home to pick up where I left off before I took off in the 1^st place. Exterior Elevations, Interior Elevations, Wall sections all came together easily as I just focused and drew like crazy. I multi tasked by sending Edy some music I found on YouTube so that she and I could fuse via tunes.  By early evening I had taken the job as far as I could without client input so just closed it up and turned away from it for the night.

I mentioned the book I am really enjoying; it is The Eagles Throne by Carlos Fuentes. I love his writing and I particularly love the use of language albeit translated. So rich, so nuanced and so ……Latino.   Man those guys can write!! Gabriel Garcia Marquez is another favorite and I am looking forward to another night of page turning.

I love where we live and am very grateful . It’s quiet, tranquil and suits my Wa quotient quite well.   Yesterday was dumpster pickup day (4am) so there will be nothing to keep me from my slumber should tonight be THE night to get a full night’s sleep......

……as long as I don’t look left.    

Critical “I”

Critical “I”

“Hump day” has turned out to be like the previous two days this week. Anticipated connections fizzled and bright possibilities from the days/weeks previous dimmed as realities were exposed. The tendency is to slide towards the “slippery slope” but for whatever reason I’m taking all these continued “thwarts” as a sign that they were just not meant to be anyway, (for today at least).

I’ve been making a really conscious effort to keep gratitude and positivity in the forefront of my thinking and interactions with other humans, not that I have that many encounters these day. It’s too easy to get into the “aint it awful” game, particularly in an election year. I’m fortunate to have a small little project I’m doing now that allows me a creative outlet and I’m quite grateful for the opportunity.  It is exactly like the work I used to do when I first started in business a few decades ago so it goes quite quickly.

My bike ride to yoga was hotter than the blazes, even though it was before noon when I left. Class was hot and super humid and this month classes have been very small. So our intimate little group sweats and moves and stretches and rest as a “squad” and not the “platoon” that the space usually holds.  

I’ve been making some great improvements in my practice as I can now reach where no reaching was possible, stretch where no stretching was possible and bend where no bending was even considered to be a possibility.  It’s really hard work but after 8 months I am amazed at what has been accomplished with this old beat up body of mine. One of the first things on my list in the morning is a big ol ‘ THANK YOU to my body. It functions amazingly AND is getting better each day.

In my business details are everything. Space, Light, Form, Pattern. Flow, composition etc….everything must harmonize and blend toward making the most pleasing “environment” possible. Therefore for many years I have been quite critical of others spaces yet never more critical than the attention I give to those I have created. Same goes for my photography, furniture designs, systems of all sorts and business in general. “Critical” to the MAX !............It used to serve me well for a very long time but I am re-thinking my relationship with the Critical “I”.

After class today I overheard a young girl speaking to one of the women at the desk. “But my belly” she was saying. “It’s so big and those other girls are all, like models”. “Ouch”, I thought to myself . The front desk woman handled it all perfectly explained how yoga works and how body image also changes with the practice. “Humm, others with Critical “I” ‘ s” I thought to myself, it was good to witness it from this perspective. For my first 40 days in class I wore a tshirt because I was too self conscious of my “large-ness”. After 40 days at 105 degrees I figured out that “I” was the only one looking at me and “I” better get over it. Everyone in the place has only one person on their minds – themselves (except when Edy is in the room and then….well, I just can’t help myself).  The other thing I heard today during class is that being critical with yourself for your yoga class would be equivalent to being critical with yourself for taking a bath. 

Its yoga !.........................It’s a bath !!........................It’s a breath !..................It just IS.

So as I was riding my bike home in the solar oven and humidity I began thinking that all this effort toward “sowing new seeds of business” and “helping out” has not really gone all that well lately. The last few projects I’ve had resisted my “suggestions” of  various “improvements” that could benefit them. I’m beginning to realize that sometimes it’s better to just hold off on “suggestions” until asked for them despite being paid for just such advice. Some folks just want what they want – period. The one exception to this has been our yoga studio. I made a long list of suggestions of things that could use to be fixed/altered or repaired and just left it with the owner, no charge. Next thing I know things are getting fixed, hazards repaired and energy saved. “Humm,I thought, perhaps  the Critical “I” might need to become a volunteer, then I remembered that THAT is exactly what he has done for all years past. “Volunteer Information” requested or not………………I then re-thought the re-thought and decided that the Critical “I” just IS……We’ll agree to just get over it and leave it at that.

“I” am not going anywhere.

Breakin Free

Breakin’ Free

I awoke disoriented from my dreams and looked around to see that I was safe and sound. “It was only a dream”, I reminded myself as I untied myself from the Gordian knot of sheets and blankets I worked myself into during the night. As I stood up and grabbed my water glass I turned back to the bed and was reminded of the “doozie” of an experience I encountered during the previous few short hours.

Edy is still in Taos with the gang while I work to coax green shoots of local business from the griddle hot pavement. I miss her terribly and busy myself pretty well during the day. Evenings are generally OK if I have a few books going but I missed the library on Friday and have been book-less for the past few days. TV is my only salvation for escape. I am always amazed how I can never find a thing to watch out of the ga-zillion channels available. I’ll “surf”  a bit then multi-task via Ipad to Google something that needs further investigation and that is always fun for  a bit too. Eventually though I look left and see her pile of pillows, just sigh and feel the void; Ugh !

My dreams last night centered around having a few dozen projects all going at the same time and in different parts of the world with the various hoops that one must jump through for the various personalities, politics and code enforcement officials that each area and project brings with it. This one also included Financial Folks for the various projects and all of their shenanigans in posturing and power trips they like to thrust on anyone in their sphere(s). Then added to this whole mess was the awareness part way through that somehow I had obtained partners and these partners had brought with them their own teams and staff. They are all talking to me like I know them and that all of these projects I had landed and currently managed were now theirs. They were saying things like “My” this and “Mine” ……..in every discussion with the Owners, Bankers, Lawyers, Politicos etc….Each time I asked them individually and collectively “Who are you “? The more I asked the more they would fake smile and do the “Mine, Mine, Mine”, thing to someone else….It was a freak show and I did not know how to stop it. So, at one point I just pulled my chair back from the monster boardroom table ( I had designed a decade previous) and just “observed” ………While the din of the Corporate nonsense was blabbering forth I began a dream within a dream of an old boat I used to have off the Mystic River in CT.

“Breakin-Free”.

I traded work for her from a Dr. buddy of mine who bought her after his divorce. She was only 24ft, and kind of old but had good bones and new sails.  I enjoyed the heck out of her for years. It’s super bad luck to change the name of a boat without “proper ceremony” so not being that confident with my position with Poseidon and his realm, I kept the name to ensure the safety of me, my passengers and crew. I ended also trading her muich later for work from a contractor buddy of mine so I could also break free of some stuff…………..thus continuing the good luck and going full circle.

I re-entered the Corporate Dream with the folks around the table looking at me asking when the Certificates of Occupancy would be issued on X,Y,Z ??? while others were wondering why the Cork from Portugal was late??? (again) and why our land holdings in Mexico were now nationalized ?.................:”Good questions” I said as I got up and left the room….”Very Good Questions” I again said to myself as I kept on walking.  I could see them all looking and mumbling at me through the windows of a Conference Space I knew quite well. As I walked out I could see that the cleaning people still did a disgraceful job at that place……

……fade to light…………and start making coffee.

I walked over to church this AM and the guest Pastor was a funny eloquent black man cut from the cloth of other strong southern preachers before him. He had 40,000 folks laughing, crying, singing and basically jubulating their collective hearts out. It was a blast and I came home un-slimed from my nights excursion and in a very happy place.

As I was walking in the Garage I passed a couple who looked like they just came out of a Red Square USSR Propaganda Poster. As we came closer the guy turned away and sneezed, BUT he sneezed WITH an accent !! No kidding ! It made a great day even better and I gave them both a nod and a  “Do svidaniya” as we passed. As I got to the elevator I started thinking about James Bond and Blind Drops and all the associated Spy Stuff that comes from passing Russians in a garage ………….(Is it just me ?)

Anyway, last week was one heck of a ride. A huge build up and then over the edge freefalling to the next……….and now I’m just sitting in the pool waiting to get filled up enough to flow over the edge again for the free fall to the next-next………then the next….Breakin Free, an atom at a time.   

Soul Food

Lunation Series                                                              Blue Moon                                                           c-2006

Soul Food

“Woa, how long was I out for?”, I thought to myself,  as I looked around and saw that what was nothing but empty space when I sat down was now full of fellow yogis and yoginis getting ready for class.  I had pedaled over in the rain via the “long way” to class this afternoon as I just could not stand being inside any longer. The ride was very wet but at least the temperature was bearable. I made it in pretty good time and set up my mat and came out to “my bench” to listen to the rain and just chill pre-class and fill my soul with some calm. “Drip, drip, drip”…… There is a faulty flashing at the eave of the roof I sit under and it is allowing moisture to get in the soffit below. Until we address this it will keep on dripping like a metronome, rotting out the roof and my brain will respond and shut down as it has been conditioned to with such sounds. (Pavlov has nothing on me….get me on a beach and watch REAL programmed behavior…..zzzzzzz…). Anyway,  I wasn’t really asleep (my eyes were open) but I’ll be darned how these people materialized?   Honest.

Today has been a roller coaster. Waking up to an empty house stinks, and its worse when it’s grey and raining. I had a big case of the bums creeping up on me as I drank coffee and waited to connect with Edy via Facebook. We both needed to get ready for church but her timeslot was ahead of mine and she suggested giving our favorite granddaughter a call. Excellent Idea!!

L#2 and I had a great conversation as she walked me through every single change in décor that had happened in her room since we were there a couple of weeks ago. Wow, lots can happen in a couple of weeks ! I felt my bum lifting, (auditory soul food) and was very grateful for access to her. I walked over to church and got there early and people watched for a bit until services started. One of the gents behind me said it takes 4000 volunteers to staff each service. Wow ! Service was good (more auditory Soul Food) as always and I left feeling the bum lifted even more. I returned home, changed, made a light lunch and then started to feel the slippery slope tilting………ugh. “OK, you can do this”, I coached myself. “Leave early for yoga, ride in the rain and take the long way, you’ve got plenty of time”. So that is what I did.   

Along the way I reviewed my “play list” of favorite music and recalled Santana’s Abraxis Album.  One of my all time favorite albums for its mastery of music and mood (cover art was cool when I was 13 too). I peddled with it in my head for several miles. I thought about others too as my musical tastes range from Wagner to Wycliff (early Wycliff) I don’t think I’ve bought new music since 2005….? Anyway class was crazy hot and I was drained when I got out.  I hydrated a bit and rode back home in the rain which was actually quite refreshing.

 Dinner was simple and I had a brief chat with Edy before she was called off to play Candy Land. I pulled up one of the songs I wanted from the Santana album from Youtube and was pleasantly surprised that you can get entire albums there. “Who would have thunk?”, I thunk to myself as I scrolled through my top ten listings……..”This is GREAT !!”  My goodness they have EVERYTHING !!  I really love music and used to have it playing all the time in my office via a 400 CD changer. I have forgotten how much I miss it. (more auditory Soul Food)

 I used to love going to concerts as a lad. That and playing drums in garage bands pretty much ruined my hearing. It’s one of the things I’m hoping yoga can also cure.

So, Carlos and I wrote part of this together and now I’ve invited Pink Floyd in to take us home to the Dark Side of the Moon, cranking out arias into my ear-buds .....

”Huh….?....WHAT???...What’s that ???..WHAT DID YOU SAY???.........”

.....“Sorry, I can’t hear you , I’ve got Soul Food in my ears !!”

Make My Day

Make My Day!

I read until late last night about the Roman Empire and G.J.Caesar’s rise from a less than zero to ….well, Caesar. I find this stuff fascinating. Humans throughout history continue to be so darned entertaining. I did have the Olympics on for a bit and saw Phelps win and the cute little gymnast, but Rome beckoned and I needed to single task for the rest of the night.

This morning I fixed a broken switch on the dryer because I needed an “accomplishment” and had it operational in 5 minutes. Victory! I then peddled over to yoga in the heat, met with the owner and did class with another set of victories in the form of non-modified poses. “This day is getting better already”, I thought as I sat outside downing water after class.  In that I have nothing really going on I’ve been assisting the Studio in some Energy Retrofits and other Facilities Issues. I figure, “Hey, I’m here every day and they need the help, why not”. Plus, it just plain feels good . Today we addressed access panels, pex fittings and Energy Tax Credits. The new lighting I spec’s for them saves 90% AND they get Credits back post-installation so it’s a good thing and when they heard, it made their day.

I have a contractor buddy who is building a Industrial park and looking for tenants. A woman at yoga happened to ask me if I knew anyone with warehouse space (while talking bicycles – go figure?) I put them together and made both of their days.

I started on a project yesterday that involves going through tons of files I have. Truthfully there are only three file bins left because the TONS (literally) were already dumped a few years ago. I’m cleaning out to make room for new …whatever ???….all I know is that I have not looked at one bin all year, SO, out she goes…! While digging, I ran across some really old photos from Jr  High and High School. I scanned them and sent them to the two individuals in the images and they wrote back that I made their day.

Then later this afternoon I got some disturbing news. I knew it was coming as I had actually been awaiting it since week before last. Bummer. I then went down to the office and picked up two packages. One was mailed on July 3^rd and just arrived. Between that and the Bummer news, I felt certain that the Time Warps were at play again and felt grateful for both as the dichotomy of good news/bad news delayed was just too much to let slide.  The #2 package was a beautiful glossy book from a Metal Artist buddy of mine showing off some of the work we did together many moons ago. It included a beautiful shot of mine of my “Hopi Corn Portraits” I had sent him years ago. It made my day!

I read a lot of varied stuff online from professional journals and business to new means, methods, codes and products, as well as personal stuff on spiritual matters, art, photography ….etc.. I know I’m in the “flow” when the same message is being given from the most dis-similar sites. Today was the similarity of the feeling  of excitement –vs- fear and how to really know what you’re feeling (is it the pit of doom or the beginning of a great adventure?) and the other  was a quote about “increasing your success rate on anything by doubling your failure rate”.  Lord knows I’ve had a lot of successes…………and come to think of it not that many failures, BUT, when either of them happens, they have been doozies.  I think I was spoiled early on with too many successes and developed an attitude that I was always going to have successes. When failures hit (as they must) I was ill prepared to handle them in a calm and even manner. I felt if I just “raging bull” ‘d my way through them all would right itself and things would return to bliss and harmony (not that that was the reality) but it was my MO.

These days I tend to be a bit softer with the changes. I did not say I always like them in the moment and yes, I can still rage at the heavens but it’s getting more tempered.  I seek opportunity but also allow it to find me through patience and calm……………………………………(kinda)……………...

“Hey OPPORTUNITY !!!……Yea, YOU !!!……..”Come over here and MAKE MY DAY!!”

(Progress, not perfection)

Sipapu

Sipapu

There is a saying we use in our Village that we borrowed from 12 Step Programs (in Texas they are called 2 Step programs)  that says “You’re right on schedule …………and it’s not your own”. It’s humorous when things are “peachy”, not so much when not a darned thing seems to be going the way I want it to go. Time warps, Thwarts, Uncertainty and all the DIS words are still doing their thing as 2012 rolls into it’s last 33%.

It’s hotter than anything here and most of the folks around here that don’t have real jobs have left for their summer spots. Mostly CO and NM from what I understand, although a few just travel around, because they can. Our neighborhood grocery store asks each customer if they want a cup of ice with their receipts, “right neighborly of them”, I thought as I checked out earlier today, I took my ice and ate it as I peddled through the steam room that is my home town. Jokes aside, I was actually very grateful and crunched as fast as I could before I ended up drinking those little nuggets.

I walked over to the Church tonight to attend a Men’s Meeting, my first. The speakers were ex NFL guys and the messages were very good and uplifting. I stayed afterward to speak with them and some of the other gents and basically mingled. These are all good folks with no other agenda than to be better men.  I like that and will be back.

I have two books going at once, one on Cicero, the Roman Orator and Statesman as told by his scribe ( a very interesting guy too……..If you’ve ever used this “&” , it’s some of his work, he “invented” short-hand as well as “ i.e…& etc..…)  and another, a Mystery Cop book from an author I like a lot. Dreams have been quite interesting and spanned time. There’s that time warp thing again, even in dream states. Regardless, I love a good story however new or old it is.

As I walked back from the meeting tonight I got to thinking about worship (in general)  and then the TX 1%’rs hanging out in CO or NM or wherever and the folks who used to live there earlier. For whatever reason I found great humor in that thought and something one of the NFL guys said tonight. He said one of the veteran players asked him if he knew what NFL meant? He stated the obvious and the vet laughed and said , “Son, it means Not For Long……….SAVE well !”    

In Hopi legend the Spider Woman ushered the people up through the Sipapu at each of the four stages of evolution experienced thus far. This was not an easy journey as each journey was reached as their existing world crumbled or was flooded around them. These oral histories have been told for millennia much the same way the stories from all the son’s of Abraham have. I like all of those stories too.   

I counted thirteen Kivas in the single shot above, which is only a portion of this particular lodge. That’s a lot of worship. Were they praying for Food , Shelter, Rain, Crops, Health, Family, Love or just grateful to be delivered from the misery that was their 3^rd level homes? ………….”Hum?”……Basics, SO easy to take for granted.

I now sit in front of a computer that was a gift, after just communicating with my love, and eating a meal that I prepared, in a home that has AC, getting ready to go to bed and read books I got from my local library in a town that I love and am reminded…

”Yep, I’m right on schedule all right, and Thank Goodness, It’s not my own !”