Sounds of Silence

Pueblo Bonito #9                                                       Vision Quest Series                                   Copyright 2005 DK Sargert

Sounds of Silence

I woke up a bit earlier than usual, reached over and gave Edy a squeeze and slid out of bed so as not to disturb our 6 year old “visitor” as he snored angelic in dreamland, snuggled up next to “Grammy”. I made us both some coffee being sure to wrap the grinder in a towel lest it disturb anyone still sleeping in the house. I brought Edy hers along with a kiss and mimed a heart beating and pointed to myself and then her……….drawing an exclamation point in the air. I then left them both together so they could enjoy their morning wake up ritual. They both were in heaven.

I took my coffee and sat in front of my computer as do each morning and began reading emails. One in particular caught my eye and as I scrolled through all the links came to good video then home page of the author and the topic she had posted was “your relationship to silence”. Write a bit and share if you wish. “Hummm?” I thought, “I am a huge fan of silence and am always on the lookout for Blog Topics”, I thought “perfect”.

I have always enjoyed my solitude and the silence of various places on the planet. Sailing always appealed to me more than Power Craft and Museums more than Carnivals. As much as I love children and grandchildren and interactions with other humans; sometimes a break is good. Today, I really love silence and the “Power of the Pause” as one of our favorite people states it.  It has not always been this way.

Until recently I required some kind of background noise during all of my waking hours in the form of CD’s or NPR. Truth be told I do play “waves” to go to sleep now because I developed some kind of Pavlovian response to my acupuncturist and would go out like a light when he turned it on in his office during procedures. No, I’m not talking about “sleeping” , I’m talking about being uncomfortable with being by myself, in silence; at work, in a car, “putzing” – all required background noise and even now I find myself looking to “fill in the blank” of silence if I’m feeling discomfort.

It started slowly with prayers and meditation and then continued into longer and longer stretches of time where I would not speak or hear other humans for hours at a time. Nature is always a good place for this I found and long walks in the sage of the High Desert would attune my ears to new sounds with each walk.

The newest and most interesting sounds were the messages that would come to me in the silence. Answers to questions, enlightenment on difficult topics and an expansiveness of love for those around me, that grew unfettered by static. Sure the “mitote” would attempt to dominate at times but soon they all just sat back and “talked amongst themselves”.

The image above was taken in Chaco Canyon, NM. It’s a magical place with deep spiritual significance and history. In some circles it is considered “sacred”.  It is a tourist Mecca and is generally full of the devout. The day I was there, there was no one and for eight hours it was just me and the ghosts. I had a similar experience in France at Mary Madeline’s Cathedral in Maximim. Another “sacred”  Mecca in the middle of August and I had the place to myself. Just me ,MM’s skull and more gold than I knew could exist in one place.  There was lots of silence and more importantly the time to “hear it”.  I felt very “plugged in” and connected to all before me and all to come on both occasions.

In our new city I have a lot of opportunity to ride my bike. Sure, the exercise is good, the fresh air fun and the smells wonderful,  but what I really like is hearing the whirr of the tires on the pavement along with the feeling of being “plugged in” again………… and again………….. Sometimes it’s deafening.

It’s Big

It’s Big

We walked over to the largest church in America this morning for services. I’ve never been a big church guy but it’s an experience and a half and the messages thus far are all quite positive and uplifting. I do get a charge out of “sacred spaces” as you know and am still pondering, if a former basketball stadium turned performance space could actually be termed “sacred”? It’s an open question.

Appx 44,000 are in attendance for each service. I do not know if the TV crews are included in the count. Regardless, that is a lot of energy contained in one space. It’s more a concert with an uplifting talk than a bible banging session but I think there may be some of that going on in other room, I don’t know for sure. (I am probably just trying to find fault or have perhaps reached an “ULP” moment). As mentioned, I always feel great afterward and sure enjoy being with the gang during the “experience”. I’ve had similar good feelings in different places of worship other than Christian but have had scads of other horrible experiences in only Christian venues. So, I remain suspicious.

Today’s guest pastor spoke of the role of Science in God and vice versa. He reminded us of the “greatness and bigness” of the Universe (and therefore of GOD) and also of our “smallness” in the scheme of things. “I am with you on these observations Pastor”, I said to myself.  In the back of my mind I was thinking that those Monty Python boys had it dead-on when they sang for us to “always look on the bright side of life.” Being a big fan of Science, God and Monty Python I enjoyed the talk immensely and have been reflecting on it all day.

Science seems to be a big thing this holiday weekend. The Science Museum here had an opening for their new Paleontology wing which we attended yesterday. This town in particular owes a big debt of gratitude to prehistoric micro organisms for sacrificing themselves so that Detroit and now Tokyo, Seoul or Beijing create more gas-hog autos; in turn “fueling” the local economy……………………for now.

I’ve had ongoing fascinations with the history of space and with the history of this planet. Geology, Botany, Biology and Anthropology are all topics I pursue as much as possible. I also enjoy classical histories as told through the ages via Torah, Quran or Bible in addition to recent texts of oral traditions of aboriginal sects of humans. Then of course there are the more recent histories which are indeed repeated again and again. Humans in all their forms are still better than TV.

I remember finding fossils as a kid just south of here and later seeing dinosaur tracks in the rock bed of my neighborhood. I also recall the hours I spent on my Medicine Wheel looking at the heavens more recently. The sense of wonder and “bigness” seem to emanate from the same source. The discovery of something on the outside completed a circuit to something on the inside and soon and entire circuit board was being formed, one human at a time. Sure, some folks could give a hoot and that is why others carry a bit more than the rest. It’s not about equality it’s about maintaining the power supply.

I remember reading Stephen Hawkins “A Brief History of Time” and his conclusion that it was all indeed so big that God must exist. At the time I just coming to understand of anything bigger than me and this book in particular helped me on that path. In later years I’d be shown miracle after miracle of “bigness” as if to underline “the point”.  I incorporated my newfound philosophy and spirit into my designs in hopes that the message would be received, not realizing that I was creating yet another open question.

Our days of late have been SO full of “lessons, experiences and adventure” that we sometimes shake our heads and wonder “What’s it all about?”….I really don’t know, I just know, ………..“It’s BIG”

Hang Ten

Hang Ten

Edy and the boys were already doing morning projects when I decided to ride over to yoga.

I have taken a few days off to attend to elements of my post challenge NEW life and also want to spend as much time with the Taos gang as possible.

The ride was pleasant against the morning wind and it was not yet hot due to the early hour.

My ongoing obsession with tracking cell phone users has risen to a fever pitch and I marveled at line after line of cars I passed where the drivers all were talking or texting.  Cell signals in all directions were bombarding my senses.

Class was hotter than usual but I survived to ride home with the wind at my back and made really good time.  One the way I marveled at the multitudes of color in the foliage in this town. The air quality might not be the best but I’ll be darned if the profusion and varieties of colors offset that a bit.

Last year’s drought wiped out stretches of old growth trees and some newer ones too. Those that have survived are doing everything their DNA encoding tells them to do to survive and they are doing it, very well.  Plants know how to survive for sure. If it’s not a drought here then it’s flooding from a hurricane or the backwash chemical air in from the coast and all the Chem-Petro plants spitting stuff out 24/7. Then there is lightening which is certainly a buzz kill, but again they get fried and keep growing. The only thing they cannot survive is a suburbanite with a Home Depot Credit Card who just got a flyer in the mail with ½ off coupons for  Round-up and Chainsaws. A hundred and fifty years of survival…….. “poof”…………….for easy monthly payments.

Of course there are also the years of “nothing special” happening. Just growing, thriving and sending out young-uns’ year after year. “Cambium Bliss”. Then a few minor disturbances, a few more and then the 8 track of life repeats and it’s déjà vu all over again. Regardless, the will to survive is not thwarted and cells continue to circulate. Life goes on.

On the drive to pick up dinner tonight I made my usual commentary about the line of drivers who just passed. “They were ALL on their phones” !!  Edy,kindly reminded me that what I am seeing is a mirror of me not that long ago. -YIKES_ Yep, commuting back and forth to the ranch with two phones going at the same time……….”That’s IT”!!! I replied “I have been getting SO charged up about this “phone-nomenon” that I completely lost that It was ME I was looking at via others.  “This is BIG”.

Later this afternoon I finished all the work I had and left some other difficult issues to rest on the back burner. I then headed down to the pool to see the gang. The boys are developing gills and their skills are now improving hour by hour. Their little faces lit up when they saw me and all of my “difficult issues” from the 4^th floor evaporated……………………….. 

Love conquers all

Room and Bored

Room and Bored

Young boys have a lot of energy.

For the most part, at this age their regulators have little range beyond ON and OFF. Moderation and modulation skills are being learned, but for the most part their days consist of ZOOOOOOM………….and …………….ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

In the interim, a lot of attention is required to ensure that all new tricks are observed-applauded, books read and puzzles, puzzled so that the children’s cry of “carpe diem” is not wasted. Then of course, there is chess, card games and “pool time”. Pool time offers an expansive aquatic stage for the perfection of a myriad of tricks and “skills” while honing a very important survival skill at the same time. Adults breathe a bit easier with each successive show and therefore clap just that much harder.

 Of course all the various activities require paraphernalia, and all that paraphernalia needs to be kept someplace. So the bottom line is, kids need lots of room ……………for their stuff. (Just like Grandpa)

 As we divest ourselves of accumulated stuff from our previous lives we seem to have reached a tipping point whereby another purge is required on our end to make room for some recently acquired “goodies” to ensure the expansion and support of the younger members of our village.

 It occurred to me earlier today as I looked in the storage unit that as long as they are not bored, I will not be bored either. While they are here they keep me hopping and when they return home,  I’ll just keep busy making more and more room for the “props”……

U Talking 2 ME?

Edy and ¾ of the Taos gang arrived late last night after and extra 6 hours of mechanical delays. Wow what a long day for them !

I arrived at the airport early as usual because I have an ongoing science experiment there and with auto mobile drivers that covers many fields of interest. Lately I have been putting to good use the ol’ spot it U got-it lessons of the past as they relate to cell phones. Oh yes, I bought one to the 1^st (suitcase size “mobile phone”) and later would carry one or two 24/7 because of my “importance”. Today I rarely carry it and most of the time I find it just in time to see it needs charging. Let’s just say things have changed.

As I sat on my bench in the airport watching receivers greet their arriving loved ones I noticed a disturbing trend I had witnessed previously continuing to evolve. I’d say 7 out of 10 folks arriving had a phone to their ear or were madly texting. Some went on to baggage claim but a good 35% of those with phones met their receivers and kept the conversations going. Hugging or shaking hands while still engaged in another conversation. What a bummer for the receivers. The “perps” ranged in ages from 9 to 90, most walked but many were in wheelchairs. Oh, brother what have we come to?

My somber experiment was suddenly interrupted by a screaming child yelling at the top of his lungs “DADDY !!!! – I MISSED YOU SO MUCH !!!”…………..and Dad was beaming, Mom was aglow as she handed off the 6 year old to Poppa and both of the adults did a great “sandwich hug” with young Mr. Vocal in the middle. No cell phones. “YEP, That is how you greet someone you love !” I said to myself.

Soon afterward as more of the lemmings arrived confirming previous data another family arrived in the waiting area with a “Wanted Poster” for Cheryl Duvall……….All of the Duvall’s looked alike and it was not terribly long before THE Cheryl shrieked around the corner and blended in with her family that WANTED her so badly. It was cute, Cheryl was giddy in her embarrassment. Again no cell phones.

I made one more round to the Arrival Board and saw that the plane was due in anytime and took my place at the front of the receiving line. A woman came up at once and asked me if I had seen anyone come through in a wheelchair and I said I had been here for an hour and saw probably 20. She said “No in the last 2 minutes” . “No, not yet, I said”.. just then she broke through the DO NOT ENTER – TAS line and went hollering to her white haired guest “Momma you Walked !!” and the rest of the conversation was in German………..Again beautiful to watch even though TAS had gone into “Red Alert” and were walking toward the “other perps” with Federal Warrants, fortunately Momma and Daughter both walked, and fast. No cell phones were observed.

Finally my gang came around the corner – HOOOOooooo RAYYYYYYyyyyyy !! I yelled to them as they made their way to the “OK to Cross Line” ……..”Welcome, I am so HAPPY to SEE YOU, I missed you so much !!!”……….Big hugs and kisses were exchanged and “special things” were exhibited before we had gone 100 feet because of the excitement. Both boys miraculously produced PEZ from their ears too. The day’s events were told and retold as we made it through baggage claim and out to the parking garage to get the car. Clarification and grey areas were addressed during the ride home so that we could all settle in once we got there. 3 generations of know it alls in one car, love it !

16 hours of travel is a long day for anyone, if you’re under 7 it’s a super long day. Baths and a little energy “blip” and it did not take long for the snoozing to begin. Road buzz or Airport Buzz takes a bit of time to disperse and The Tennis Channel seems just the thing to allow an easing into real relaxation. Mellow got mellow-er and we soon said out “good nights” and retired to our separate wings. It was already today by the clock.

As Edy changed into PJs in the bathroom I tucked the boys in a bit, as they sleep in our room during visits. Our bed finally felt balanced once Edy came in and the last weeks of “flying solo” officially came to an end. During the night I could hear three different breathing patterns. All soft, rhythmic and so relaxed. I then added in my own, as I knew all was well. Edy’s home, and the good times have not even started !

Ol’ Sow and Sow

Ol’ Sow and Sow

I woke up super early this morning as it was the 1^st day of my NEW LIFE , made the bed, did a bathroom check and then did final inspection on the house to make sure everything was in order for the arrival of Edy and the Taos gang. Everything passed inspection and I scrolled through a few emails before heading over to the bank to do some stuff there. I then returned home and awaited a meeting with a fellow yogi I had planned.

It occurred to me the other day that despite being here for almost two years, (the 1^st 13 months don’t count because I was essentially a commuter and when I was here I was too tired to do anything) I really know no one.  So earlier in the week I reached out to 4 guys I know , 3 from yoga - one sales guy and   thought we’d just chat and get to know each one a bit better. This morning’s meeting was very pleasant and I enjoyed the connection over shared interests. My goal with these meetings is to just make myself known here and plant seeds for the future, as we envision a really good future here.

Afterward, I did a bit of shopping in anticipation of going to the airport to pick up the gang. Edy and I had a short conversation before I left and fortunately had another one from the parking lot of the 2^nd grocery store because the first one was short and fragmented because I “was on a mission” and the second one had the depth and intimacy we both strive for.  I got what I needed at the store and got home in record time only to find that their flight had been delayed. “Humm, well ok then lets wrap up the other things we started this week” I said to myself, and began finishing up a bunch of forms and templates for site visits and then figured out how to set up another website as a proxy host for all the photos that are in these blogs so that folks may purchase them in the very near future.

While I was working, I had electronic conversations with guys I know all over the world and in N and S America about software and software development. We all use the same CADD Softwares and many of us have known each other since the 80’s. Most of us were on development teams together and we all have “history”. Questions were asked about certain things and answers came with assorted “email accents”  (ie. “that prissy Colour”……”about the width of a flea’s d#ck” ……”cheers mate” ………”muito obrigado” ….and on and on…..) When I have a problem, I drop an email to any of these guys and usually within an hour - 24/7 my questions are answered. These are seeds that were planted via MS-DOS (sure you remember c:\filenames\that\had\to\be\short\)  that still bear fruit on a continual basis. It’s not a one way street either; I participate and do what I can too to help when asked and most of the time I just cheer them all on because that is my “gift” , to inspire others. The crazy thing about all of this is that none of us get paid for the help. We offer our knowledge out and in return we are able to access the knowledge base of others. Also, it just feels good. If one of us has a a client needing help in their country or town we refer them directly, THAT is how it works

OK, back to my epiphany about getting out and meeting folks. In my core I’m actually a very shy person. Sure I can “schmooze and mingle” and have even been known to “frolic” on occasion. I can also present my “canned pitch” about my work and blah, blah, blah…..BUT, when it comes to just about “me”, well, that information is not for everyone. Very few, in fact.

As I am going through this next iteration of personal evolution I am finding that I actually want to be around good people of integrity and who also have their own gifts. Not as a client-patron relationship but as folks living in their collective “Zones of Genius” exploring each other to find HOW we can help each other live our best versions of ourselves before it’s time to “go”. A “project” is not going to give me that. All the books, magazines, awards and medals in the world with my name are not going to give me that. But kindred-spirits of the human kind, can, have and will again. I just need to go out and meet more and more and more, in this town. NOT online. So, today a seed was planted, perhaps this weekend a couple more will be planted and next week and ………we shall see. What better place to start but where my own interests lie……….Yoga, Museums….etc…

I’m reading James Michner’s TEXAS. I like JM because he gives you all the history and depth of detail that keeps me interested. Sure, he’s kind of pompous at times, but what‘s that saying,  “you spot it you got it” . I cut him slack. I am so grateful that we moved ourselves to a land such as this with such rich and deep history of endless possibilities that span generations. This Hopi Corn Farmer is gonna make it my business to ensure our crops grow fat and strong by reaching out every day and asking “How can I help YOU?”  Then I would hope to learn as much about you as possible. Perhaps you might feel that there is someone else who might benefit from my gifts and say “Let me introduce you to good ol’ sow and sow?”

I’ll be doing just the same.

Reflections on a 60 Day Challenge

Reflections on a 60 Day Challenge

I woke up earlier than usual this morning having had dreams that creeped me out.

I was able the put the morning time to good use and wrapped up my 1^st round presentation package for my new software systems proposal and “put a bow on it”. I then moved on to another “idea” for a tandem undertaking and outlined that for a bit as I watched it get brighter outside, it even looked like it was getting hotter from my interior vantage point. By 11am it was time for me to get on my bike and head to my final yoga class in my “60 Day Challenge”.

Yep, it was a hot-motha out there as I peddled under one underpass and then up another ramp toward the studio. It takes 100 revolutions of my peddles to make it to the top of that ramp. I count a lot these days. I coasted down to the stoplight in the left hand turning lane and took my place at the front of the line. GO !!....I am generally around the turn and on the straightway before ANY of the cars in line get moving because people don’t drive anymore, they talk or text……………then drive.

Down the road I peddled, wind in my face and cars with drivers IN-commucato passed one after another. “That is gonna be a problem” I thought as I took a right and continued past the recycling place. Left,Right,Left,Right and I’m there. I park my bike and lock it up. Stash my stuff and sign in.

“Today’s THE Day?” the woman at the front desk asked. “Yep” this is it, “let’s get this party started”, I said as I went into the locker room to change. “Tony” of screw-driver fame was the teacher and as always he likes the heat and humidity cranked UP. 26 postures, in 90 minutes, 105 degrees – 65% humidity. They call it a “standing meditation” but truth is many of the postures are on the floor for the final 3^rd of the class, all test you in one way or another.

I really am enjoying yoga.

Edy has talked to me about it for a long time but for whatever reason this year it “clicked” and we’ve been going since 01-13-12. I’ve written about missing my 1^st Challenge by 5 days and this time I was determined to “do it”. 

These past weeks have been hard because Edy has been gone to visit the Taos clan and I also had to do double sessions to make up for various times I missed a class – I decided to do all 7 doubles in a row and then coast to the finish. It worked and was a great victory.

I have worked very at a lot of things and have been fortunate to win a lot of accolades for my work, studied very hard to get a bunch of letters after my name as well as licenses, certifications and such. None of those compare to this yoga challenge. Yoga is such a fascinating practice that it transcends the brain or the body and even the spirit and re-sets a new level of awareness that I can only equate to the deepest love you may have ever felt. If you’re a parent or better yet a grandparent I need not explain. If you have someone “special” in your life then you’re very close and if you are alone, you might enjoy Bikram yoga too.

I look back on my first day of class and the “Oh, my GOD – I’m gonna die” reaction to the first 10 minutes in the room,  to where I am now and am awed at what a human body can do, MY body. I then recall how much static would be in my brain as I went pose to pose. In the beginning I would count the seconds of each pose = 26 times. Done.  Earlier in the week I noticed that it is only the poses I still struggle with that are being counted out, the rest are just poses………my mind is clear and we just flow from one to the next. A millimeter at a time they are coming together, everyday is a new experience. Teachers have been great in offering tips to improve each posture.

I particularly like the classes Edy and I take together. It “feels right” that we do this practice together and I miss those days she is not in the room. Our days actually center around yoga, which in itself is pretty cool. I love that we live a very healthy life that is mindful and spirit centered. Edy “created” this for us and I am oh, so grateful for her. She is my love.

So, today as I was finishing up the final poses and breathing I tuned in really deeply to my body and took note of those areas that have literally healed themselves in a matter of less than 100 days. Amazing, no drugs or chemicals, just yoga. Sinuses, Allergies – Rotator Cuff – Loose Stuff is now Firmer Stuff – Back and Knee pain – increased flexibility and strength – Skin looks great - Achilles Tendon (almost 100%) “Dang !, It’s like I traded in my 57’ Chevy for an 87’…….whoops there were no good cars in 87’…………anyway I feel better now that I can remember.

At the end of completing the “challenge” you are given a T-shirt (photo above) and on the back it reads:

A New Body

A New Mind

A New Life

Pretty big promises.

I’m excited to take myself out for a test drive and "see what this baby can do".

Big G-ULP

Big  G-ULP

It was raining when I got up this morning and I thought “oh, great, it will at least be cool for my ride to yoga later”. I made coffee and settled into my morning routine of emails, notes and general observations about the world at large and the little space I inhabit in front of my computer.

I spent the evening reading a fascinating book by Dr. Gay Hendricks entitled THE BIG LEAP  .  It was a start to finish read as we now use Ipads and clouds in lieu of Cover to Covers anymore around here. After the Introduction I grabbed one of my spiral notebooks and began taking notes as he addressed EXACTLY an episode that occurred with me that morning.

The goal of the book is to assist you in finding your Zone of Genius. This is the place that allows to you reach beyond you competence and even your excellence for that matter, into another realm of being where you shine like the star you are. (my words, not his)

HELL YES !!! you say……………..”Sign me up” !!!..................”I want some of that for sure BECAUSE you are absolutely right I am a shining star”………..(perhaps even the brightest you think to yourself……..whoops, did I just “project” that…?)   Of course we all want to “be all we can be”………….OR do we?

Dr. Hendricks gives numerous wonderful examples of The Upper Limit Problem. In fact even his grandchildren offer a definition which I will paraphrase from the voice of a 12 year old girl “ya know when you are having a really good time and then all of a sudden somebody ruins it”……….”It’s because that “someone” has reached their UPPER LIMIT”……….

BINGO !!!

It happened to me yesterday morning while video chatting with Edy. We were in a deep and heavy conversation about really good stuff and I suddenly had the urge to go and do laundry……….TRUE !!, I gave a 2 minute warning to go and do laundry.  As if that was not enough I decided to windex the bedroom and while I was doing that I thought to myself, “Dude, you just freaked out”……(yes, BIG Lebowski fan too)   I pondered this for a bit more and then shared it with Edy. Of course she knew what happened, I didn’t.  About ten minutes later I decided to start reading “The Book” and the Introduction explained in perfect detail what an Upper Limit Problem (ULP) was…………….Oh, lordy “I’ve got it bad”.

By 1am this morning , I had many pages of notes and a “Mission from God” (and a Blues Brothers fan too) to do the work to find my Zone of Genius. Edy read the book 1^st so I was anxious to compare notes which we did long distance for quite some time. I then set the notes aside and watched the video interview that is on the site above (forewarned 1hr long) and then “got into the flow” and wrapped up 6 hours of programming schematics in an hour (Einstein Time – another Chapter) until I got a phone call that knocked me off my tracks into a ditch.

I have hated my “job” for a long time now. I love design but am fried with the BS that goes into “projects” these days. Since I began in business many decades ago I have had clients that loved what was created for them, LOVED the PR  but “something” would always come up at the end that would cause friction. I went to PhD’s about this phenomenon (“you hold too much power for too long and they need to assert and re-claim”) which might be true but after reading the book, I have much more compassion for them and see that it was an ULP, and can just empathize.  

There is so much to the book beyond “Zones” that  I hope you too enjoy it.

I became saturated with my “homework” and the derailment and decided to head to yoga earlier than usual to integrate some of this stuff. One of the trainers, "Tony" is also the facilities guy and I asked him if he got the envelope I left him last week? (The door to the Studio never stays closed and make me and others nuts, so I gave him some rupbber washers to put behind the latch plate.) He said “yes, thanks” but I am so behind I have not had a chance to install anything yet because my “to do list” is so long."

I went out and sat on my bench to watch the Aviary XXX show still going on beyond on the telephone wire with the doves……2pr today…..”Racsals”………..days and days ….for real???.

Tony walked by with a pile of trash and sweat dripping off him and I asked if he needed any help? “No, I got it” he said and trudged on…..On his way back I asked him if he had a screw driver ? “Sure” he said, “why?”…………..”Would it help your “list” at all if I installed those washers for you?”………………”Oh, Man you have no idea !!!.  THANK YOU!!!

So I worked for about ten minutes taking the plate off straightening it – back filling the rotted wood and installed the washers that I had left earlier. It was a great sense of accomplishment and felt good to help someone out.

I was reminded as I was cleaning up the sawdust and paint chips from the floor of the studio that THAT was I liked most about my job when I 1^st stared my career. Helping people,  and the sense of accomplishment when the job was done right.

Gosh, I have had not had that feeling is so long I can’t remember………….???

Seems like it’s a good place to start looking for my “Zone of Genius”...............all over again. 

Viva Yo Mamma !

I made it through my early yoga class without incident yesterday and returned home to continue mapping out a bunch of programming that I’m working on for a newly revived sustainability venture. Time flew by and in a couple hours it was time for round #2. Clouds were building and I left just a bit earlier than usual so I could beat the storm.

Along the way I noticed car after car with balloons and flowers and thought “Wow, this is one party town!!” until I remembered it was Mother’s Day. Ugh, Edy’s traveling and my own internal storm began brewing, I miss her. At one of my last stoplights I was almost run over by a guy in a tricked out Mercedez with SO many flowers in the front seat that he could barely see (me and the road). Roses of about 8 different shades all taking up the passenger side of the car. “Wow #2” I thought, “Either he really loves his Momma or there are lot’s of babies’Mommas needing pacifying tomorrow”………….” I really hoped it was the former”.

Once, when I was standing in line at the grocery store in Taos the checker asked the guy in front of me “What’d ya do?” as she scanned his huge bouquet of flowers through the “machine that goes beep”……he just hung his head and did not answer………..”Whoops!!”.”Mr. Bling” reminded me of that episode.

I was a bit early to the studio and sat on “my bench”, thus claimed because “my bike” was chained to it. There are actually four benches to choose from but this is the only one that faces out, so I like it best. From here I have watched the barren oak trees leaf out, the bamboo across the street “shoot”and of course all the bird watching I enjoy so much. I am now also getting waves from the shop owners and residents as they walk their dogs as they must think I work for the studio by now, being here twice daily.

The storms of the previous night left a lot of puddles and the alert had obviously been sent out for community bathing. One by one the various species would come in and take a dip. I was surprised that they were using them as solo tubs, as I never knew birds to be shy, "hum, who knew?" I noted in the distance on one of the telephone wires, a couple of doves that were definitely not shy, engaging in some serious mating. Doves/ Rascals….Al Green songs played in my head on their behalf.

I then noticed one industrious Grackle gathering straw and twigs. Not just any straw and twigs, mind you, she was very determined about how she obtained her building materials. She’s collect as much as her beak could hold, take it over to the “sorting grounds” and then bring a few more loads. She would then sort through the 3 or 4 loads and fill up her beak with the “best” and high tail-it down the street to her nesting area. Over and Over and Over……..”That’s gonna be a good nest !!” I thought as I suddenly noticed that all the benches were filled with chattering yogis and yoginis. "How long was I out for ?"

Being a Mother is the toughest job on earth.

In our Village our greatest asset is our women, we revere them deeply and hold them in the highest esteem. They hold the spiritual footings of our group and are the solid foundations of anything we do. Sure, the men can go out to “hunt” to our hearts content and become distracted with “whatever”, but when it comes to truly important matters, our women’s counsel is a base requirement before moving forward. I particularly enjoy the community and counsel they offer each other and watching the youngest take her place among the powerful.

Each year, at Mother’s Day I think back to the prior year and marvel at how Edy and the girls bond even deeper together. I know of no deeper love than that of Edy for her girls. I recognized it the first time I heard her voice in another continent, before I even saw her face. It made me sit up and take notice and I continue to be awed every day since then. She is THE Momma’s Momma. Yet, at the very same time the girls are staking their places in our circle and grow in their independence. Each year bringing forward their unique talents and skills that add such a wonderfully rich “spice” to our family stew. I am very grateful to be a witness to this marvel of life year after year. Viva Yo Mamma !!

Little Things of Beauty

Little Things of Beauty

Despite being totally wiped out at 8:15 last night when I left yoga, I peddled like crazy to make it home before the storms hit. I could see the flashes in the mirrors as we did our last few poses and knew they were going to be BIG.

Traffic was not too bad and I was kind of wishing that I had lights on my bike as it was getting pretty dark already as the ominous cloud bank approached from the west. I was fortunate because I rode directly into it and needed the temperature change of the cool front to keep me going. The light show was magnificent and the thunder roared in full 4D Dolby sound. I was loving it !

Fortunately, I made it the parking garage just as the rain started and viewed the light and sound show from the safety of our top floor, although I just “had” to go out on the porch to really “feel” them in all their power.  Once the hail started pelting me I thought that these were stronger storms than predicted and pulled up the weather channel app on my Ipad to see. Sure enough – Tornado warnings – YIKES !!

Having been through a few of them, one of F4 scale I knew that if it was going to hit , it was going to hit and I made dinner and turned on PBS. If glass started breaking I’d scoot over to the garage and hang there while the roof and whatever else I was not meant to “need” was transported to another home.

I love PBS.

Last night’s episode was on “Crafts in America” and featured some of my favorite artists as well as a few I need to investigate further. One of my favorite weavers was featured and I was amazed at his “process”. I had only seen the finished works and was an avid collector when he 1^st started. I doubt if I could afford him now. They were some of my prized possessions; I gifted them to Edy.    My Beauty with a little thing of beauty.  

Another lady took 3-4 years per “quilt” she produced. These items were of such fine quality and held such meaningful “statements” they are sought by Museums all over the place. I was really touched by the levels of passion she and the others embodied in their beings and their works. I could “feel it” through the TV.  These folks were not working for “praise” as a buddy of mine described an Artist’s Business Mindset. They were like the Blues Brothers (and Sisters) ………………On a Mission from GOD!!

My earliest memories are of little things of beauty. Flowers, Sunsets, the quality of light over a body of water and later being able to feel the beauty within another human, defended or not.

On hot Kansas summer afternoons I would watch my Grandmother and Great Aunts paint, knit, crochet and embroidery all through the lunch hour(s) as they watched their versions of Tela-novelas. They’d “shhh” me during intense moments and deflect my questions about NAIR Commercials as best they could. My favorite sponsor was DIPITY DO, whatever that was?

 I’d finish my lunch and spend the afternoon roaming the old farm looking for my next adventure. Invariably I’d end up in the flower garden (after making sure no stray strawberries in the “other garden”) I’d marvel at the roses in particular, which were my Grandmother’s passion. I loved how the buds would form then grow until popping , then blossom and stay beautiful for so long. Time-lapse,  day by day.

 There were always Cardinals in her yard. I used to mimic their calls and one time got “caught” when I was supposed to be mowing the fields NOT talking to birds. She stood there watching for who knows how long, never said a word then or later. It was our secret.

I try to get to Yoga a bit early most days as it gives me time to sit outside and watch the doves, mocking birds and cardinals. I’ve been watching the same ones since January (like I really know they are the same ones) and enjoy their shows. When the cardinals appear I say a silent prayer for my Grandmother and thank her for introducing me to little things of beauty each summer that still keep me going strong after all these years.

Hey Buddy, Got the time?

Hey Buddy, Got the time?

Our esteemed and venerated CEO reminded me that one of my duties with Saffron Group includes daily blogs.  Whoops !

It’s not really a “whoops” it’s been more of a “not feeling it” kind of thing. Actually I have not “been feeling it” on a lot of fronts for a long time now, yet in other areas I’m “feeling it , BIG TIME”!!

Take “projects”.

As I’ve stated previously, I’m trying to figure out a way to stay in the “HELL YES flow” creatively, intellectually and financially without a “project”. I seems that “me and projects” are just no longer meant to be, for reasons I may or may not go into down the road. Let’s just say the “flow” for all of the above criteria was blocked by a beaver dam covered in cement that was then paved over to then became a toxic land-fill. Humm???, not too much of a “yes” going in that place………

 On the other hand, lack of “projects” has sure opened up my “schedule”.

This week I’ve been doing double Bikram Yoga sessions every day. Today is my 4^th of a planned 7 so that I can finish my 2^nd 60 day challenge and finally get my t-shirt, new body, new mind and new LIFE.

 I’ve been switching off session times but noon and 6:30pm are the overall winners thus far. I ride my bike there and back 4 times a day which equates to around 14 miles a day. Today I added in the library and some surrounding areas to shoot some photos so that I will not get fired .

 I’m really enjoying yoga on many levels but must say that “doubles” are a killer and the 60 day challenge IS actually a substantial investment of time, determination and barrels of sweat. Morning sessions are approached with my normal gusto, evening sessions are receiving less and less “gusto” each succeeding evening, but I am determined to finish this one, having missed the last by less than a week. I have a new level of respect for others who have gone before me.

 In the interim I have dusted off an old software development project I had started many years ago ….HOLD IT !!! – Did I just say “project”……………..I meant to say “concept model”………..whew…..  It’s a huge undertaking but,  hey……………

…………. I’ve got the time.

Race to the Finish

Race to the Finish

Our Village has had an ongoing dialog recently about immigrants and race. This has stirred up a lot of feelings for us all and brought up a bunch of memories I had squashed down pretty far in the ol’ emotional “compactor”.

I was born in Kansas City to a couple of white bread parents. My mother came from Ozark white trash and my Dad from plains farm stock. Neither had ever seen much of the world outside their stomping grounds and married right out of High School, then had me. My Dad went on to finish college then on to grad school and took a job with a major US Company that he held for over 40 years. His first posting was in southern Texas and we moved there right after my brother was born, I was 3.  

We moved into a cheap apartment complex and all the neighborhood kids were Mexican, so I learned Spanish before I had mastered English, kids can do that.

One of my earliest memories of “race relations” was during a trip back to visit my grandparents in KC. My brother was just learning to talk and walk so he must have been 2 or 3. We were walking past a small group of Black Men playing cards under the Awning of a “Corner Store” and my brother broke away and walked right up to them and said “HI !!! BLACK FACES”!!!!  I did not think anything of it because I had seen black people before, but my mother was devastated !!! I still remember her fear and gushing apologies. The men just laughed so hard they could barely breathe and sluffed it off as “making their day”……………..I was not too sure about that. I was 6.

Fast forward a few years and my parents had divorced, we moved and soon were involved in a horrific car accident. My Mom spent most of her days in bed, with prescription induced lethargy. I had a new set of friends and on Sundays we came up with a pretty cool way to keep ourselves occupied and fed by dressing up in our Sunday best, slicking down our hair and visiting all the churches in the area, first on foot and later on bikes. We’d quietly giggle and smirk as our teachers and local shop owners would be touched on the forehead and faint or speak in tongues at the Pentecostal and Baptist Churches. Afterward we’d get Koolaid and Cookies and “mingle” with the other parishioners and kids from school. This went on for months.

In the school we attended there were NO people of color. Hispanics don’t count in Texas as they were just “Mes-can” and regardless of their social standing they were either Mes-can Doctors” or Mes-can garbage men. Their kids went to our school and spoke Spanish to each other…………and me. My other friends were terrified of them all and were sure some kind of Westside story stabbing would take place if they even talked to them. I was warned of this constantly. I visited their homes, hugged their Abuellas and learned to LOVE homemade tamales, LOVE em !!!   

During one of these visits my amigo’s parents invited me to go to their church on Sunday as they had heard I was a Spiritual Bedouin and felt the need to play Missionary. I knew about Catholic Churches from my early days at the Apartment Complex and begged off because “Those People” speak a freak language my young buddies told me was older than Jesus. Their statues and gold also freaked me out  and they had Nuns who would “smack” you with rulers “for no reason” from behind their scary black and white penguin suits. “Um, gracias no”…..I was terrified of Catholics.

One of my buddies older brothers told us all one day about a Black Church across town that had singing and dancing and best of all they had Fried Chicken and “fixins” afterward. We were IN ! We got on our bikes early the next Sunday and rode all over the place looking for THE Church. It was hotter ant anything in our Suits and no one was giving up much to a “Gang” of white kids asking about THE Church. We rode around and witnessed sights we never imagined in our lives. Burnt out houses and cars. Trash and junk everywhere and BLACK PEOPLE !!!............None of us had ever seen so many black people EVER.

We knew one black person between us. She was the maid for the rich girl at the end of our block. She was stern and NEVER – EVER  let Becky out of her sight. We all liked Becky, hated the maid. “Mrs. B”

As were heading home we saw a few stragglers heading home down a side street with colorful clothes on and fancy hats. BINGO we said to each other and peddled toward the “saved ones” for a recon mission.

Sure enough or should I say Sho-nuf, who would be walking behind the 1^st group but Mrs. B , Becky’s maid. “Crap”.

“Hey, what u boys doin here?” she glared at us. “Come over here”.

We explained that we were looking for her church because we heard it “was so good” and went on and on with more lies………..She knew we were up to something and told us where to be next Sunday.

 We were scared sh*& as the following Sunday approached. We talked ourselves in and out of going a few dozen times and finally dared each other enough that all of our mothers would die or be crippled if we were too wussy to go. The ride seemed hotter than the last time and we made it there a bit early. We huddled in our little group as family after family of laughing colorfully dressed happy faced folks shook hands and greeted each other warmly and with tremendous enthusiasm. Mrs. B spotted us and ushered us to a pew about mid-way. We received a few glances but not any stares. We were terrified and stared straight ahead. All I remember from that first time was a lot of singing, loud voices of “Amen” – “That’s RIGHT” and more singing and standing up clapping too. Overall I just remember LOUD.

 They were not lying about the Fried Chicken. But it was an understatement. The food was fantastic and the people SO friendly that I wondered why anyone would ever call them the names I had heard my friends parents use all the time. My parents had their faults but one thing they never used was “that word” or any disparaging word toward any race that I can remember. In adulthood I remember my Dad making a comment about an Indian (country) guy and he said he was angry because the took all the scholarships when he was in college. Humm….interesting, file that away for the archives.

 Anyway, we had a number of weeks of singing and eating bliss until one of the parents found out what we were doing and in a rage got all the other parents together (and called my Mom) to explain at the top of their lungs that “no kids of theirs are going to hang around “monkey brained coons ”  and that was the edited version. It was a horrible demonstration of ignorance and it is like a cheap tattoo indelibly left in my brain. I continued on for another week or two but then I was called a “N- Lover” one too many times and quit going, cold turkey.

Sometime later I ran into Mrs. B and Becky at the grocery store and immediately started crying.  I cried so hard and was so embarrassed and ashamed that I had stopped seeing Mrs. B on Sundays. She hugged me and comforted me and “dear chyled” me until I stopped and just said “I know”. Becky was baffled. I was 9 or 10 and those were the best hugs I had EVER had.

 Fast forward a bit more and we move to Shreveport, LA where I hear all the tales of the KKK from my friends there and SEE actual Slave Plantations and learn about slavery in school. Then on to New Orleans where The MAN finally decides to experiment with integration via bussing white kids to an all black neighborhood school until a new school could be built. This was the late 60’s and the Black Panthers were on TV every night. Fires burned throughout the country.  One funny thing about this move is that I questioned a big gold dome I saw downtown as we entered the city for the 1^st time. “Oh, that is a synagogue my step-dad said, “that is where Jews go to pray” ……..”Jews are still around I asked ???” – I thought they all died with Jesus”…………..Yes, a very sheltered life up until that point.

 So, they shipped busses of us into the inferno. Bricks through bus window and glass into my ear. Fights on the campus and football field were constants. I happened to be in the marching band and on more than one occasion used my drumsticks and size to keep groping angry black hands off female band members and to defend myself from “gangs” of very angry black folk who were angry just because I was white and in their neighborhood. Most of my days at Hellen Cox were in abject terror, in a quest for daily survival.

 Another move and my 1^st real job was “picking up sticks” on a golf course in Naples, FL. Myself and 7 black guys. I was 13 and also rode my bike to that job. We worked from 6am to 4pm in the scorching sun loading up sticks and logs from a swamp that had just been drained. It was terribly hot and my crew members skin burnt SO bad and SO fast. After day 3 were all naked in the drainage ponds at every chance we could to cool off. Mosquitoes, Water Moccasins and all we did not give a hoot, it was camaraderie at it’s best and those relationships lasted for another 10 years until I moved north.

 I thought I knew about bigotry, prejudice and hate as a southern boy until I moved to New England later in life. My 1^st office was on Main Street in the Italian Section of Town. After a couple of years there I was asked to lead a Community Development Organization to create a Master Plan for the City and that is when I learned about HATE. Generations of HATE from White Italian Immigrants.

 It seems that if you are an Neoploitainaise you hate Abrutaise and Sicialianos hate Minaniase more than Mulaniane from Africa……….It was the worst job I ever had for FREE. Nothing could ever get done for the 15 years I was in that position. NOTHING.  It was there too that I learned “power-less-ness. Thank goodness.

 It felt good to finally bring up some of this stuff and let it fly away. It was also nice to remember Mrs. B. I still think of her often and certainly every time I hear the Blind Boys of Alabama. I also continue to surprise myself by remembering all “the words” both in and out of the songs.

Scared Straight

Scared Straight

I’ve been pushing pretty hard to get a project out the door that got delayed because of communication issues. My part is now done and I’m just waiting for Engineers to complete their work so we can go on to permitting. Lot’s came up during this past week of crunch and one thing stands out for sure. Work cuts into my blogging.

Last weekend I did a bit of research as to why two of our healthy dark green leafed Orchids are not blooming as I had expected them to this time of year. As it turns out they were just too “comfortable” to do so. It’s true, to get Orchids to bloom they must feel stressed out and nervous about their chances for further existence. To get award winning blooms one must mindfully neglect and intimidate each plant until they go over the edge and send out a shoot.  “Humm????” I thought as I Googled further, “This has all the makings of one fine Science Experiment”.

I used to work for a bunch of “off the boat” Italians and one of the Patriarchs used to talk about “Ants in the Sugar Bowl” . He would go on and on in his accented English about how hard an ant would work and work and work , day in day out, week after week , until he found a “sugar bowl”. Once he found the sugar bowl he would emit his “signal” and the rest of the ants would come to reap all the rewards of the #1 ant until they all laid back in the bowl exhausted from gorging as the younger ones hauled the “loot” back to home base.  As we would walk through his factory he would point at this employee or that one and say “ant” ……..”ant”…….”ant”. I am so grateful I no longer have employees !!

So for the last few days I’ve been putting my Orchid Experiment to the test with all sorts of lab studies in a variety of conditions. Human interactions I’m finding are also not helped with too much fertilizer and care unless they are under the ages of 18. In fact some of the best blooming individuals I know have produced beautiful blossoms once they “got out of the greenhouse”. Personally, I can think back to my “private yoga session” whereby my instructor essentially told me that all of my old war wounds and injuries we in my head and that I WOULD heal them if I would just push past the pain ONCE. Wow was she right.  I’m sure more will come to me as the experiments continue.

I need to cut this one a bit short as it’s time for me to go an glare at a couple of high brow plants and assure them that the porch is only one doorway away. More soon.