One Pane at a Time



One Pane at a Time

“Have I really been doing this for 3 months ? “ I said to myself as I took a knee and then gave up on that to flop on my back in Savasna for the 1^st set of head to knee pose.   We had a new teacher  today and not only could I barely understand a word he was saying, he was on a death march to wipe us all out with super high humidity and excessive heat. He was “one of those” - yoga sadist.  I was having a hard time breathing and continued to lay there counting my inhales and exhales ….one breath at a time…..

I sweat out twice my body weight and finished the class as a negative blob of matter floating through the universe and stayed that way for the next four hours.  During that time I felt like crap which is just the opposite of how I usually feel after class. I took the time of misery to delve into the Energy Compliance Reports for a current project because they are tedious and require focus and that would ensure that I would not throw up……….(which was feeling like it might be the best idea of the day so far.)

Hours went by as they always do and the envelope of this structure exceeded code by 6%. “BFD” I thought as the calculation appeared, “I’ve done some that are 50% + better” I lamented from my deepest ego place. Then I thought , “Hey, stop it – at least it’s not 6% over” which would require my redoing the whole project envelope, adjusting R and U Values and SHG factors until everything matched. So I flipped it into a “hooray” sat the ego guy back in his chair and continued on to the Lighting and Mechanical portions of the matrix and began filling in the watts per square foot – lamping types and btu’s to see where that would lead…….So kids, you want to get into the “glamorous” profession of design now ????

Seriously, if it were not for these mundane technical aspects of a project I’d go bonkers because the design portion (less actual drawing) is done before I return from the initial consultation. Then it’s just a matter of transferring it from my brain to paper and then getting it built and voila’……months or years later you are walking ……….“in my head”.

I used to go around and around with staff on this because it was not until I let them take on a project after their apprenticeships that they would ever “get it” and realize that all those hours in “studio” in school were in fact the cream of their careers before it even started.

The other morning Edy and watched window washers while we sipped coffee on the balcony. The air was warm and Kona Coffee , yum, oh so good (still). As I watched the guys do their thing pane by pane I thought that “work” really does not have to be work when you enjoy what you are doing and get to see the finished product at some point.  Like lots of folks who do what I do only 2% of the projects designed ever get built, so there is a lot of brain matter tied up in those gooey archives.  Filling up the cavities one project at a time.

The current project we are doing is one of six phases we master planned for the site. I am excited to just see Phase One completed ....................... One Phase (pane) at a time.

Speaking Chinese



Speaking Chinese

Today was a hard day!  Really HARD.

There is no need to get into details as everyone has had them, but suffice it to say that I did not communicate one clear statement the way I wanted to the entire day and it was exhausting for all parties. The harder I tried the worse it got and believe me when I tell you that I tried HARD……………and the results were to be as expected.

I might as well have been speaking Chinese.

I’m a big fan of “glyphs” of any kind. I enjoy the ones produced by humans like Mayans, Egyptians or Aboriginals or as some believe “aliens” for and ones too cool to pigeon-hole . I also enjoy Arabic writing as well as Kanji and Kana. I don't understand any of it but I like it. I often look to nature to see just what kind of messages I might glean from the various “glyphs” that are there in such abundance.

In my youth I dabbled a bit with psychedelics because the users made pretty much the same claims today’s TV pharmaceutical company commercials do (without the horrible side effects) and I sure as heck did not want to be where I was in any manner during those days. It worked well with the music I listened to and the isolation and shelter I craved.   During one of these experiments with a small dot of paper I saw the meaning of life encoded within the chalk board of the new Civics Class I was attending. (Yes, it took effect a bit sooner than the nonexistent warning label said) “If only I could de-code that board before the end of class I would be “all set”, I told myself…………………….. The class ended as well as the ingestion of "dots" but the experiment continues and I catalog examples for future humans to investigate (above).

We went to yoga late tonight and as we were sitting outside waiting for the room to open up I overheard a couple of the regulars in deep conversation. The Asian woman was listening intently to the Anglo guy I see every day in there. She was nodding and laughing and soon he raised his voice loud enough that I could hear what he was saying. The only problem was that despite hearing the words and seeing associated hand/face gestures I still could not understand a darned thing he said...................

He was Speaking Chinese.  

Location-Location-Location

Location-Location-Location

I spent the morning wrapping up some plans and filling in blanks on a current project as we head toward “wind down” on the con-doc phase of the project. The USA Department of Energy Code Compliance Website was down all day so I found myself at the mercy of “The Man” until they find a way to get more energy to that site so I can finish my work.

Today was a beautiful day on so many levels.   Edy and I are both coming off of a “kid-fill” of a weekend in Austin and savoring the goodness of being together.  We rented a car to make the trip for a number of reasons, #1 being the place is across the street and offers such good rates. Three days use for the price of a tank of gas in my old company car. Grateful.

This morning we had a new house-keeper perform her magic while we went out for a bit and were happy with her work when we returned. This is a big deal as you know from previous posts so hopefully her 1^st impression will carry forward into many moons of happy cleaning. I just took in another deep breath of “clean” and love it ! Grateful.

Yoga was hot and I could feel every restaurant meal we had during our visit leave me drip by drip as I went from pose to pose. At the end of the class I sat outside rejuvenated and loving the warm breeze. We scooted over to Whole Foods for a nice lunch of greens to further offset the travel-food and sat outside enjoying each other and the air. We then stopped at our Chinese Herb/Acupuncture Clinic to get some herbs for me and say “hi” to our Dr.’s. During lunch Edy made a comment about us being at the beginning of a new life and I agreed fully. We’ve earned it. Grateful

We returned home and I continued to wrap up detailing drawings and make some calls while Edy ran some errands. We walked over to the movie theater at 4:30 for a feature flick. Movie was really good and the air still warm as we walked the block back home. Grateful.

Edy found us this place before we even made the move here in 2010. We visited for an hour and were immediately sold on the location. It has continued to get better with age and our ability to keep “discovering”. Everything we need is within a two mile radius and we love it. Grateful.

I’ve had houses on beaches, lofts in cities, secluded homes and of course houses in suburbs (ugh). Nothing to date can compare with the ease and location of this place. I don’t even change light bulbs, someone else does – No kidding !  Grateful.

When we hitched up our wagons to head to Texas we had no idea what kind of adventure we’d find. We made a number of lists about what we wanted our experience to “feel” like and day after day after day have created just that list and it’s pretty awesome.   I believe Edy and I are both taking a look at “the list” with our new eyes and wondering if we might have been a bit light on the possibilities.   Grateful.

There is an old saying that goes something like this:  “I didn’t know – I didn’t know”  - and it is “up” for me lately. I did not know I could be happy on a fraction of the income I used to produce. I did not know I could be more productive by working less. I did not know that the life I always dreamed of has been “currently in progress” for almost a year now until this past month.  And that is just what I know today. Grateful.

I am very grateful for the opportunities that originally brought us here, those that have kept us here and the new opportunities yet to be realized. Very Grateful !

(Still) In the flow

(Still) In the flow

Edy and I woke up this morning and decided to take a road trip to Austin to do some stuff we needed to do and see if we could rendezvous with M-LLL-KH if possible.

The day got off to a rocky start on my end as I was growing more aggravated with every human that crossed my path from 10am on and by 2pm I was emitting repellant energy waves all the way to Dallas.

 As mentioned in earlier posts Edy and I have been taking advantage of “thwarts” and any other blockages that keep us from attaining all that we want. In an effort toward embracing these obstacles, we invite them to present themselves as often as needed until the lessons are learned or the blockages un-blocked. All of this is great and helpful unless it’s me and I’m also triggered about some other thing or things. Then all the inviting and requests for unblocking feel pretty uncomfortable and I just want to go sailing…………………alone.

Fortunately I am blessed with a wonderful and insightful woman I love who also loves me enough to not accept my Crusoe-esque leanings at times like these and walked through what was going on step by step until a shift occurred. Fortunately this happened before we even got out of the county……………whew !

 The old saying about being careful about you wish for is so true. We’ve been noticing lately that the time span between asking and receiving is getting shorter and shorter and today it has been instantaneous. I tend to be one who kind of likes ”percolation periods” and  instant anything sends me  into a spin……but I’m learning.

Roads to Austin were covered on both sides with wildflowers - It was stunningly beautiful and I was so happy to be able to enjoy it with my love, Edy.

We were able to connect with M-LLL-HK and had a nice dinner and now everyone is settling in for sleep after nice baths and cuddles with Grammy. It’s a mellow vibe here in the hotel room tonight.

Sometimes I am reminded that rowing and rowing can sometimes actually slow ya’ down and that there are certain times it’s important to just ship the oars to remain in the flow………………There is not one urgent matter in my life these days and I’m looking forward to “pool time” with my favorite 5 year old in the am.  Better get some rest.

Steady as she goes

Steady as she goes

I’ve been cranking our drawings like a mad man for the past few days. It’s an interesting mix of drudgery and fun.  The current project I’m working on is modest in its scope but interesting in concepts with little tweaks here and there I can add for no $ that will make it memorable, so I’m happy. (Lingering Value)  The consultants I have onboard are top notch and so far it’s smooth sailing.

Edy and I had a nice conversation this morning about the “state of us” and Saffron Group I’m happy to report that all is well. Storms from distant shores dwindled into slight waves lapping at our hull over the past weekend and everyday here in our new location feels better and better. Kids all made it home ok from their visit which is good. Today was sunny and we had a nice yoga class followed by boatloads of good Japanese food so, it’s smooth sailing here too. We are very grateful for our lives together.

Tomorrow I’m going to take a breather in the AM from drawing and ride my bike to get a haircut while the house cleaner does her thing. It’s supposed to be sunny then too and all the spring flowers are in bloom.

Ahhhh….Steady as she goes

Puzzling

Puzzling

Edy and I went to a silly movie last night and enjoyed seeing the planetary displays as we strolled home in the warm breeze afterward. Today was a mellow day too with yoga and some shopping then a really nice dinner at a place we like that serves stone crab. We supplemented with Blue Crab and Shrimp to be sure we had plenty of shells to pick through. Yum ! The only downer was the piano player. He played piano ok, but the mumbling/singing and techno-composition of the classic selections left me shaking my head…..I tipped him anyway.

We tend to go toward the intense and deep around here as you know and discussions of late have been in keeping with our “take no prisoners” way of addressing topics. Sure, we might dance around things for a bit in deference to “feelings”  but there is never a doubt that if something is UP it will be addressed and then strained through the required numbers of finer and finer sieves to glean the nuggets we all really want in the end, despite our cringing throughout the process. We all do it in our own way and would expect nothing else from each other.

While the kids were here, thousands of pieces of puzzles were combined to make some pretty complex images. Grandson #1 is very good at this and devoted hours and hours of focused efforts at each one. His dad helped on a few and Edy and did on another until we were on one of the last multi-hundred piece ones that was too complex and the pieces too tiny to complete before it was time for him to head home.

As Edy and I sat on either side of him one afternoon offering “help” I thought that this is a perfect marriage building tool for couples to use to see where they stand as a unit. That then got me thinking about life and puzzles and puzzles as life. I then started to think that having all of these shapes fitting together to form an image goes contrary to pure creativity that one would do if given a ball of clay or a pencil………………..…..anyway……….. I digress.

 Puzzles are fun. I’m only now finding that out. In my other lives I could not sit still to do one for more than 5 minutes. This past week I had much longer stretches and looking forward to finishing “The Masterpiece” with Edy (notes WILL be taken).

The brain is an amazing tool. It can easily identify multi colored patterns and complex shapes, differentiating subtleties and nuances to find the “required piece” at particular times. Other times it feels like the “factory must have screwed up” because the required piece “does not exist”… only to appear later and be place as in a trance …………such are my thoughts and emotions about life questions at any particular moment.

Sometimes an entire area can be constructed off to the side that looks like it should go to another image entirely, but once it’s placed in the framework and melded with its neighbors reveals its purpose to the whole with elegance and certainty.  It’s like every piece has its place!!  How novel.

There are a few topics that I have resisted writing about in these blogs. Three big ones are kids, dogs and drunks for various reasons that will reveal themselves. The topics are charged and kind of painful but thanks to six year olds with determined focus, I was able to find a place for a few pieces of my own puzzle that I did not think would ever fit.

Not so puzzling after all.

Acquiring the Target

My Backyard Series                                                      "Acquiring Energy"                              c-2012

Acquiring the Target

Goofing off is a blast !

We’ve been fortunate to have kids and grandkids for a week and I’ll be darned if all of my work got done each morning before heading off to zoos, nature trails or any of the other assorted activities we came up with in the course of the day. No crisis’s’ not one. There was plenty of time for everything, not a stress to be found. Wow.

We’ve been noticing a pattern of mellow-ness overtaking our lives of late. It has not been because of some woo-woo or “special herbs” or Lotto winnings, it has been a direct result of focusing on what we want and then applying the energy AT IT and …………..POOF, there ya go …………living the dream !

This is not to say it has been easy in any regard. It hasn’t.

For me at least it seems that the more energy I spent trying to acquire the target the more frustrations I would encounter on my way. After the time in Hawaii last summer I have been practicing just “feeling the groove” of whatever I am doing at the moment. Work has gone from 24/7 to now doing just enough to get the job done properly. No extras or “gimmees”, just competent production. This frees up more time to be with Edy which is my favorite thing on earth. Yoga works its way into the days because I want it to be there. Other things that are important also work their way in because I want them too. No surprises and no dramas, just mindful living. Hooray for me.

My 2^nd favorite thing is hanging with kids/grandkids.

My goodness there must have been 2000 pieces of puzzles done this week. (20 by me)  Chess, Go Fish and of course Legos were all factored into “down time” – Uptime was enjoyed in other venues including swimming pools in March, granted it’s Texas in March but is was a tad chilly until we raced a few laps to warm up………………laughing could be heard through chattering teeth for hours………..!!

The gang is packing up in the morning to drive back to their home. We already have a plan for the evening but coming home to an empty house after all of this excitement will make for a bit of a hollow re-entry tomorrow night. Phone calls, TXT, Skype are all nice but nothing like “being there”……..it will take a bit of readjustment for us to get back to our routines…………until the next visit.  

Fortunately the pool is always open.

Sweet Sorrow

Sweet Sorrow

Wow what a whirlwind few days we’ve had here at command central. Food, games and lots of down time for kids and parents to integrate and welcome in the newest member of our village.  Nine bodies in a place that is used to 2 have the apartment sliding into an insecurity complex. NOW I know what they mean buy a security deposit, it’s for therapy for the space after you leave, how clever of them.

Friday evening I was able to play several games with our five year old brainiac granddaughter. She regaled me with her knowledge of “rectangular pyramids” and “symmetrical patterns”….then went on to read a few pages from a book she had never seen. Five, wow !!

Her new baby brother is a hoot and stole the show for the older ones for a bit. He is a mellow fella who enjoyed all the conversation and activities and let us know about it with a constant stream of commentary and opinions……….oh yes, he’s in the right village for sure !

The boys arrived the following day after 15 hours of driving and were happy to see that their standard issue toy box goodies had miraculously added a few new items which made the transition into the “visit” just a tad easier. The older one did a thousand pieces of puzzles in a row and the........ (now I can’t call him this ) younger kept the helicopter squadron in formation for hours on end. Parents made plans, and re-planned as parents do………

One baffling issue that continued to crop up was the kids ability to pull PEZ out of their ears. I asked them each time HOW they did it but only the 5 year old had an answer “I guess we grow them” she said. That seemed to pacify grandpa for a while until they appeared again and again………….These kids have “skills”.

This visit was the first time in almost 2 years we’ve all been together. It was weird in a familiar kind of way.  Heavy stuff was tabled in lieu of harmony and timing, there seemed no rush to “go there”.

Today our son in-law and I went out to a job site while the mom’s and kids went to the zoo. The site was wet,muddy, swampy and mosquito infested ………”A nice place to catch malaria”, I said to the owner……….This site visit of course was a parade compared to the Zoo at Spring Break. Everyone arrived home tired and fussy.

Soon it was time for one gang to head home, ugh.

I carried the 5 year old back to the parking garage whispering to her with each step that she was our favorite five year old girl adding a few extra hugs and kisses along the way and put her in the car with her new brother. I hugged her mom and gave her brother a squeeze before I circled around again to lean in and give her another hug “for the road” and handed her, her new “baby” doll.  She was brave and gave her best forced smile and waved back to me as they headed out of the parking lot.

I was not as brave.

Anticipation

Anticipation

I’ve been deep into some Electrical Plans all week. Usually they are the part of a project I save for last and enjoy immensely but now they’re getting old and I’m also getting side-tracked with peripheral thoughts of the weekend and week ahead.  

I’ve never been good at waiting.

I understand that all good things come to those who DO, but I am one who would generally rather drive 100 miles to get what I want NOW as opposed to waiting …………for a better deal, a different color, or because of convenience. My current camera is a perfect example. I wanted it- drove to get it – then drove another 100 miles to finally REALLY get it when the 1^st place ran out of stock.  Strange though, because I could easily wait for the right times to sow and harvest garden stuff or for a project to come out of the ground, so there it is again, conflict.

We’ve been getting ready for visitors. It’s exciting ! . I used to know a young fella who would say he was “happy-nervous” and I am feeling that now.  Kids and all 4 grandkids will be together with us for the 1^st time in …….too long. Beds are made, stuff bought and I just need to put together trains and doll houses tonight to be certain the back-drops are in place for good times. It’s supposed to rain all weekend but what the heck, the parade will go on !!

Movie making at times like this can be dangerous. It’s really hard not to get one or two going and I have to catch myself to slow the epic down a bit before I am overtaken by “and then we’re gonna….” and lose track of what is going on now.

Both gangs are driving, driving with children; not for the faint hearted. They will also be excited but tired too and we’ll need to plan for an early intermission or several of them along the way.  We’ve put together an outline of what could be’s for everyone and will seek consensus before loading anyone up to go anywhere.

I think the key to a happy family time will be “personal oxygen masks” . 

In addition to “possibilities” I think we need to formulate a list of “I” am gonna…………..”I” being the operative word. Certainly “I” could set this whole thing up with agendas and hourly events like a corporate function but I would soon be playing Legos by myself as no one wants this regimentation before they start getting it anyway from the outside. So the plan is to have no plan for anyone else but me. “I” have a plan, B.

We live a mellow solitary life. Edy does her stuff in her areas and I do mine. We co-mingle when we want and un-co-mingle when we don’t. Such luxuries are not available when the house is full of kids of ages from 54 to 5mo……(yes, I include me with THEM). I have a bunch of plan “B”s in my back pocket that I will use to take a breath or two, if needed. That way I can be sure I’m always in my best form should a WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP CHESS TOURNEMENT be announced by my favorite 6 year old Chess Master………………………

I can’t wait !  

Let it Be

Let it Be

After yoga the other day I bought Edy some flowers because they reminded me of Hawaii and I thought she would enjoy them. Ginger, Eucalyptus, Bird of Paradise and other fragrant stems were presented in a lovely and fragrant bouquet. We noticed at once how our house smelled like Hawaii and have been enjoying it since.

This morning I was looking at a few of the blossoms and thought I’d add a shot of “special food” to the water to “help a blooming brother out” and nudge them along toward a longer healthier life.  I was then reminded that sometimes when I want to “help” I don’t, and it might be best in this case to just Let it Be.

Perhaps it’s a Virgo thing or maybe it’s an unresolved co-dependent thing but I sure like to poke at stuff.  Tell me a story and I’ll dissect it eleven different ways. I walk into a building, house, office or church anywhere and the 1^st things I notice are the out of whack things or the things that could use a little “tweak”. I look at companies, divisions and teams and know instinctively what is needed for them to perform optimally and that is all ok if you’ve been asked to do so and are paid for the knowledge, but pretty darned annoying if you’re just passing through.

The Zen Buddhist parts of me understand that everything is just exactly the way it’s supposed to be at all times.  The other parts of me sometimes cause a bit of turmoil because although “yes” they are just the way they are supposed to be….. BUT, if it was moved, aligned, said/not said, thought/not thought, shifted or straightened just a weeee bit it would be oh, so much better, IMHO. (actually, not so humble opinion).

Here it is again right up IN MY FACE, two days in a row.   Ego, you rascal.

So, I have resolved that for today I’m going to chill and Let it ALL Be and go from there.

Sure, we all might go spinning off into space or end up in a frozen hell but if that happens it was meant to be anyway and I for one am going to just let it.  

Energetic Compost

A-Maizing Series                                                               Taos Harvest 2008                                      c-2008

Energetic Compost

I’ve taken about a week off from my “daily blog” for  various reasons.  I have just felt uninspired, still sick and quite sore from healing ribs. Another reason is I found the “stats” tab on my site and saw that no one was reading it but me and Edy; this also deflated me for a few days.

In the spiritual world “they” say the surest way to ruin a holy man is to give him a follower.

I have adhered to this as sacred truth for a long time yet came directly up against it when I looked at my “stats” and sighed, “ugh, my ego is still force to be reckoned with”…………and I still have a long way to go toward my goal of true humility. (Something tells me goals for humility are in conflict but, I could be wrong). So today I write with the original intent of the blog - As a chronical of Saffron and to remind us of what is important to US, because sometimes I forget.

Saffron, as you know is a family organization and lately we’ve had the opportunity both collectively and individually to dig into some old “stuff” for review.  We’ve been able to look at old patterns of behavior that no longer serve us, as well as the template overlays we often use to make certain decisions, (clouded decisions). One of the more recent things for me has been how/who/where/why I do business and what that will look like in the future. Others have had their own insights. It’s been a lively series of discussions to say the least.

During a conversation this evening with Edy it occurred to me that the smelly icky gooey muck we find ourselves treading through at the moment is simply “Energetic Compost” . Good stuff, heck GREAT Stuff that we’ve enjoyed for years has been used up. Now we’re trying to resuscitate it for re-use ad nauseum…. until now. It all has just been laying around rotting because all the nutrients contained in the original “stuff” have been exhausted. We’re wondering where the “good stuff is?” and are getting upset.  We are feeling uncomfortable with what this represents because our ol’ tried and true is just tuckered out and needs to just rot and rot until it forms the new fertile basis for new seeds of thought, ideas and behaviors that are needed now to be sown. Crap, and all this time I thought we were in Eden and no further effort was required on my part.

When we grew our gardens we would find it ridiculous to think that the corn stalks should keep producing ears after we harvested them all from the stalks yet for some reason I have been feeling that ideas and behaviors of yore should somehow be sustaining me long after harvest.

This paradigm shift allowed me to realize that we are right on schedule to meet 2012 Spring Energy with our own 2012 Spring Energy and blossom forth with fresh new ANYTHING we choose to grow.

The smell of rot and squish of the muck reminded me to grab a mental rake and turn it all under……….before I turn it all over ……..and plant anew, every chance I get.