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I attended a Men’s Group Meeting at church the other evening that I had been hearing about all last year. It is one of the many things that our church puts together as support for its “flock” and one of the many reasons I feel so comfortable there. It’s all free, just like the Tax preparation, 3^rd world medical outreach, veteran’s assistance and childcare to list a few.  There were about 50 guys there and several of them also attend another group I belong to, so it was a comfortable environment.

As a life student I am always intrigued be new schools of thought on various subjects and being a Man, this one peeked my curiosity after hearing others speaking about this topic of “Authentic Manhood”. Essentially this multi-week program is geared to looking in depth into the current life of a male in today’s (USA) society although I believe it could conceivably be relevant to other countries without much “history” like Canada or Tasmania.

The speaker is an old Nam-Vet I know from my other group and all I can say is I’ll bet he was a “peach and a half” before he became part of the church circuit. (whoops !! - Spot it – you got it?) Anyway he gave us some background that I found interesting on how MEN have lost their identity since the beginning of the Industrial Revolution due to the fact that prior to that HUGE shift we were primarily an agrarian society relying on the family unit for security, comfort and lively hood.    

A man’s role for the prior millennia was to farm, hunt, ply his trade and bring up his children to do the same with the wife/mother taking care of the home and assisting in the communal efforts they all required to survive. Yes it was simple in terms of “brain power” but harder than anything physically, spiritually and emotionally as drought, flood, freeze….locusts…etc… were screwing with you every moment. The one good thing throughout all of these “issues” was that the whole family was together and sons would learn from fathers and daughters from mothers as to how to handle situations good/bad. When the opportunity to work in factories were presented many families separated as the men “went off to work” leaving the women to “stay here and work” as they had been doing since day one, a gazzilion years prior.   When the men returned home they were beat from the hours they had just spent making “widgits” and began to isolate with these feelings because wives/daughters did not “know” about widgets and this was the beginning of the wedge we now are feeling in our society.

The other contributor to this is post industrial cocooning was WAR.

Civil War a bit, more in WW1 but by WW2 men returned from war unable to assimilate fully into a “family “unit” after witnessing the atrocities and loss. “Work” became a great escape. Factory jobs turned into office jobs for many and wives and daughters knew little of office stuff and neither did sons for that matter. Sure economies bloomed – babies boomed and hot wars became cold wars, but at home Dad settled into his new Lazy Boy, popped a cold one and found comfort with TV, Playboy or Sports Illustrated or any other form of exit he could find so as not to relive the memories of “over there”. Page by page, year by year, beer by beer Dads became less and less available to their families and sons until a “rumble in the jungle” of the women left to deal with these man-shells started to rise up and say ……….“WTF??”    

Bringing us the seeds of feminism.  Interesting , yes ?

{I need to stop here for a second and say that Edy and I have a LOT to say on the subject of Masculine/Feminine Energy, a LOT. This is not to be confused with Male and Female energy which we also have a lot to say about , oh and feminism, soft males and on and on…. Lest this blog go on forever suffice it to say that you will be reading more of these topics later, for now I’ll just keep to the Men’s Group}

This particular class also conveniently breaks down Male Characteristics into four categories with the associated extremes for each listed as balancing on the opposite end of the spectrum

 King (Tyrant-Abdicator) , Warrior (Executioner–Wimp), Lover (Critical –Cold) , Friend (Loner–User)

The physical example of these would be a 4 legged stool with each leg representing a characteristic and each extreme within each of these represented by the length of the legs. So if like (the old) me you were a Tyrant-King and Executioner-Warrior but a more Critical-Lover or Loner-Friend your stool would be pretty darned stable but everyone around you would run for the hills because you were essentially an a jerk.

Then (hypothetically) imagine that all of the sudden you woke up and found the woman of your dreams in front of you  in Southern France. You did not want to be a jerk, but you just for an instant saw that you were and decided to change and become different than you had ever been before because she was “spectacular”.    

So, (hypothetically) lets say you want to be a better friend to start with.

Zoooooop the Friend Leg grows a bit to be more compassionate and a better listener, thus leaving three legs almost even and that one “off” a bit. Then as the relationship evolves you determine to become a more caring and open Lover and Zoooop……that leg grows too ……Of course the King and the Warrior are wondering what the heck just happened to their SOLID-STABLE (feeling) World and they become outraged and seek to find balance by any means necessary and in some cases (so I’ve read) you get knocked right on your butt as stability is sought.

Anyway as I sat through the lecture I became aware that many of the questions about “what the heck just happened” I’ve sought answers to through the years via other seminars, counseling, books out the wazoo and of course “Dr. Google”  were answered a 90 minute free presentation. I also felt compelled to share it because I know of a number of other Men who have decided to make a few “minor changes” in their lives and found themselves wobbling in confusion.  Hang in there my friends and remember the “objective”.

I believe we all want to be “Better Men”