NUTS

NUTS !!

Patience is a virtue I have struggled with my whole life.  On one hand I am able to work diligently for years on things to build; transforming ideas from a simple thought into reality but on the other hand I make myself absolutely NUTS when things that I feel so certain about do not happen on my timetable or in the manner I think they should.   I hate, I mean HATE the discomfort that comes with not knowing and uncertainty. I have spent my entire life trying to build “systems, procedures and methods” for dealing with what I perceive as cataclysmic event scenarios. Plan A, Plan B, Plan C all the way to Plan Z-7… have all been honed to the finest detail to ensure that the feeling of NUTs would not arise.    

Sure, I have a bag of tools I can use to loosen the NUT if it gets too tight and sometimes that works ….for a while. Then I can tighten the NUT back up when I get a “hit” on something that I feel will steer the river of thought towards my desired outcome.  I will crank on that NUT this way and that to release the internal pressure but despite all the tools in the bag we’re still dealing with NUTs …small and large and that in itself IS the problem. I can occupy myself for hours digging in the tool box to find the perfect mental socket wrench or dig deeper and reach for the magical spiritual crescent wrench (Insha’Allah) but to no avail and usually only ramping up another notch or eleven.

One of the biggest problems with NUTs is thinking that the next time will be different. I’ve gone through these feelings thousands of times, yet every time they come up I am dumb-struck when I realize “holy smokes, THIS AGAIN?”...................."Oh, brother!!"

Currently there are a number of things I really want to happen. I’ve been wanting them to happen for some time now and guess what ?..................as of this moment they’re not happening. I’ve tried a dozen different ways to “make” them happen but me and forcing anything just makes it break, so I’ve at least learned to back off…………..most of the time.

When I was an adolescent I had various motor driven contraptions from outboard motors to go carts and lawn mowers I would buy/trade for and fix and re-sell. I learned pretty early that I did not know my own strength as I started growing into myself. Time after time I would either over tighten and strip a NUT or snap it off by applying too much pressure and not enough lubricant when dismantling. I then learned the really hard lessons of EZ-OUTs and taps and dies.

As I continue to dig in the tool box I find the ol’ analogy compartment at the bottom of the box and then seek all the associated metaphors and such to try to ease the pressure. Sailing is always a good one because if there is no wind, there is no wind. PERIOD. Go NUTs all you want, wishing for wind is not wind and you will go NUTs if you don’t get this ASAP.  Surfing is another. Great waves happening on shore, run to get your board, paddle out……….waves stop. All the crying,screaming and wishing in the world will not bring tears to the sensitive empathic part of THE ocean to “toss a brother a wave” so all of his hard effort will not be in vain. ……..Fishing, Hunting, Dog Training, Birthing, Potty training, Learning ANYTHING, etc…It's all the same. This compartment actually holds the best tools of all and soon I am able to calm down and RE-member that when it’s time ………………

It’s time.

Then the question arises................

”Humm, .Why have I never gone to this compartment FIRST ????

NUTS !!