Mental Barnacles

Old Beliefs are Slowing me Down - Time to scrape my brain for 2014

Now is the winter of our discontent……2013

Frozen Whispers Series                               "Boilin' Cold"                                                                  c-2011

Now is the winter of our discontent……

Winter Solstice 2013.

Only one short year ago to the day the Myan’s were having a good laugh up in Myan heaven over “expert opinion” regarding the end of the world as we know it. If memory serves me correctly the prior near doom scenario we barely escaped was “y2k” and the associated horrors predicted by other “experts” ……which then makes me wonder, “are the experts STILL experts after all of these whoops?”. I imagine in expert world they still rein high and receive “expert compassion” from their peers. “Well Nigel, I can now see how the conflation of that glyph could lead to just such a deduction, in-fact didn’t the same thing happen to ….what was that old chaps name from Oxford…..”?..........”Anyhow ol’ boy it could have happened to any of us” (We’re jolly well glad it did NOT, and have all agreed so in private) “Carry on, stiff upper lip and all..”

Edy and I were recalling some celebrations and rituals we’ve experienced together including but not limited to our meeting in France, our Wedding and Honeymoon on the 3^rd Mesa with the Hopis as well as other rituals that occurred during our time together.  Over the past several nights dreams  I’ve been recalling my “calling” to design and construct the Medicine Wheel at our home in Taos.

Much like the trip to France where I met Edy, it was an immediate YES, with another immediate sense of urgency to “make it happen”. Same was true with our Honeymoon trip into Hopi Lands. I had been studying all the tribes of the region, but the Hopi intrigued me the most. I met a woman who had understanding of their culture and insights that compelled her to gift me with sacred corn and eagle feathers (NSA-you did NOT read that)  It was an urgent “calling” that was driven from within and despite bringing all of my large and medium format cameras, I never shot a frame of film. It was truly a “trip”.   Several times Edy and I looked at each other and gave the ?????.......then shrugged our shoulders and carried on…….doing what we were “told”.

Many a warm evening and even more freezing cold nights I would stand on our Medicine Wheel and Cry out to the heavens in joy/gratitude for our wonderful life. Then there were many nights that those cries were full of tears of pain/suffering for current situations I could not for the life of me understand. All I knew was that I had to keep walking…………….

There have been many times lately when I am again confronted with situations that baffle me. My first line of defense is to get in my head and analyze the heck out it in an attempt to find just the right slot for it to fit so things will “feel better”. What I’m finding is that more and more I just don’t have a clue about much anymore. There are things that are just SO outside of my understanding that I need to quit “leaning” and surrender.

Along the same lines as France, Hopi, Medicine Wheel etc.. was a quick conversation with Edy almost a year ago about the Bible. I have always felt myself Bible Literate, but at 55 years old had never read it cover to cover. So, last year I read it, again and again and am doing it again. There is some good stuff in there!  The good news about this reading is that with each re-reading of  “In the Beginning..” I feel myself more and more a beginner.

As Christmas approaches I offer this GIFT of comfort to let you know that all is well, despite how it might feel some days. Yep, We’re all right on schedule and it’s (still) not ours…………..or the “experts” for that matter.

Blessings to all for a Very Merry Christmas and a Joyous New Year.

 

 

Ebb Tide Signature

Photo Credit - Edy Sargert                                                                                       c-2013

Ebb Tide Signature

The above title was first used when I wrote a short story for a high school composition class in the early 1970’s. “Little did I know”, that the theme and the title itself would cycle around fairly often over the past half century. The gist of the original story took place in far southern Florida and was about a young lad who would venture around hidden coves, islands and beaches in his small,4^th hand, battered, leaking but pretty reliable boat along  with his trusty side-kick dog.   They would have one adventure after another, dive or catch their meals watch sun rises and sun sets, swim with dolphins, turtles  and manatees, brave surf  and storms and basically lived a Huck Finn existence. Lots and Lots of miles were clocked just walking beaches where no other humans existed; (of course that was the whole point of each and every excursion). Sometimes the lad would pick up cool shells for his collection and always there would be “the search for the perfect stick” to be used in the mandatory  “Signing Ceremony” of each adventure and the claim of all the beaches, lands, terra/fauna, flotsam/jetsam  within site in the name of……………. ME.  

Re-con for the perfect beach would come in two forms. Inland excursions or Full Frontal Beach assaults. In that these beaches were mostly part of the 10,000 island chain of SW FL the paths were truly left to local knowledge. What looks like an easy trek through inland high ground to the shore many times can become quite another adventure when mangroves are present. Full frontal attacks are the most dangerous as the said boat was only 9’ long, aluminum and over powered to the tune of x3 because of some fancy engineering on the part of the Lad. This “fancy engineering” would provide valuable future lessons (good and not so good). I actually sat on the deck of the boat for added ballast and the dog would do a “diCapprio” on the bow as we jumped wave after wave on our way up and down the coast.  When a suitable beach would present itself we’d head for shore  and claim it . If the tide was out, I’d go in search of the “perfect stick”  and hold the signing ceremony while my dog watched obediently.

I’d walk up and down the beach and in and out to sign my name in 12 foot high letters. It had to be done exactly right the 1^st time as it was critical anyone coming to “our land” knew who the heck they were dealing with. Once satisfied I’d throw the casting net a few times to let the dog enjoy some shiners as I readied the spinning reel and baited for dinner.

While I’d stand in the surf and cast for dinner, I’d have visions of the future, using the signature behind me in the sand as my visual. Would I be signing famous artworks with it ? What about BIG business deals ? Mortages ? Marriage Licenses “ ? Birth Certificates? Report Cards ?  …..I was 14, what the heck did I know….?   All I knew is that one day I knew I’d be doing something BIG, Really BIG!! 

Later I’d gather wood and fronds, build a fire, cook up some fish walk and explore some more. The sun would start slipping toward slumber in the west and it would be time to head back because our boat had no lights. By this time too the tide had shifted and all claims to OUR LAND were re-claimed and made null by the creator. The dog and I looked at each other knowingly. We resigned ourselves to the temporary nature of or sovereign reign and hopped in the boat vowing to seek further conquests another day.  .......“Big things, I tell ya – “BIG Things “

THE Call

THE Call

I have been reminded recently how many “lost days” in my life have been totally wasted waiting for THE Call.

Before cell phones, it was the yellow handset in our kitchen.

It was THE phone I first learned “my number” on when phone numbers were partially letters. (BTW it was UL2-7117 and my Grandma Bootie’s # was FA1-4335) I could hear it all the way across the park and in the schoolyard next to our house and would stop EVERYTHING whenever I heard it ring knowing that “it was for me”. Perhaps it was my Dad, either of my grandparents or perhaps someone else offering me an alternative to whatever the heck it was I was doing at the time. The phone did not ring too often.

When I started my businesses I had tape machines that took messages, that later, from even payphones  I could point a device into the receiver to replay THE Call or still later insert a special code, even from overseas. Always waiting with anticipation for THE Call that would shift me out of whatever current situation I was experiencing. “Did the owner’s financing come through?” – “Did the Subs show up?” – “Were deposits made?”…”Permits?”…”New Client?” …etc…..sitting on pins and needles until answers could be had. Later I would await calls from my kids telling me about their days and what was happening at home but more often than not I was “too busy to talk” so as not to miss THE Call and let those calls get shorter and shorter.

 My 1^st cell phone only worked in my car as the unit fit in the trunk. My next one was a briefcase sized thing with a shoulder strap which looked stupid but I thought was techno-cool and well, you know how they’ve shrunk since then. What has not shrunk is this over riding cloud that seems to follow me in the ethers or wi-fi signals that continually tell me that I must carry this contraption to ensure I don’t miss THE Call.  “Is it charged? , charged enough?“ , “How many bars am I getting ?”

 We have had the great fortune to have our beautiful Grand-daughter with us for the summer and despite decades of knowledge I found myself patting my pocket too be sure the phone was there as we left this morning for a walk and scooter ride. Ugh.

THE Call may never come but, The Calling never stops.

 

Switchgear

This will definitely turn into a multi-part post as I realized that this weekend is the 10th anniversary of the Grand Opening of El Monte Sagrado in Taos, NM. Enough has been written about the project itself and all the wonderful folks that made it happen. What has not been discussed in any depth was the impact that project had on my life since 2003 and how it has directly impacts my life today. Edy said in passing the other day that I could “write an encyclopedia” about my experiences and I just laughed it off, (at first).

 Over the past couple of days I have just made an initial list of all the words that could indeed be expounded upon into their own “personal chapters” . Once I started it has been hard to close the faucet of the downloads that continue toward the multi-volume:

Encyclopedia of El Monte Sagrado

 

Like many key points on the railroad tracks of life, this seemingly “cool project” was simply a SWITCH in everything I ever knew to that point. The trajectory from that initial SWITCH continues to impact me daily. It seems it has had a similar affect on the lives of many others involved with the project including the GC, Field Super and the Owner.

__________________________________________________________________________

Preliminary Table of Contents

                                  Not yet in alphabetical order – still a work in progress – more to follow

** - Various forms of the word

A

Abundance

Ambition

Agriculture

Alignment

Arrogance

Awkwardness

Anointing

Altruism

Anger

Acceptance

Astronomy

Alchemy

Alcoholism

Advertising

Approval

Affidavit

Airplanes

Abandon

Agony

Author

Arroyos

American Express

Amazon

Anaconda

Archeolog

Art

Artists

Artifacts

Awards

B

Banks

Basalt

Balance

Brilliance- **

Building-  **

Beauty

Benevolence

Beta

Brujas

Blessings

Betrayal

Body – **

Boredom

Broken- **

C

Children

Construction

Chaco Canyon

Canyon

Complex

Confused

Corrupt

Cameras

Colleagues

Collaboration

Contracts

Copyrights

Credit – **

Ceremony

Custody

Cash

Cars
Core Energetics

Counsel – **

Coyote

Crystals

Corn

Cessna Caravan

Chutzpa

Computers

Culture

Culinary

Conservation

Competition

Character

Creativity

Cork

Consultants

Consciousness

Civic Duty

Charities

Cinco de Mayo

Castile

Conflict

Compassion

Caring

Carelessness

Collateral

Charisma
Chakras
Celeche

D

Datacad
Design
Deceit
Dangerous
Destitute
Disgusted
Defeat
Dreams
Desperation
Divinity
Defamation
Debt
Divorce
Diligence
Dousing
Draught
Denial
Dog – Douge
Donation - **
Death
Daughters
Diaspora
Discipline
Diplomacy
Double Truck
Due Diligence
DBUG
Detectives

E
Edy
Environmental- **
Ego
Energy – **
Excellence
Excuses
Excess
Eagle
Empathy
Exasperation
Embrace
Excitement
Enchantment
Entrapment
Exhaustion
Existential
Enthused
Enterprise
Enlightenment
Eclipse
Emotion
Ethics
Explorers
Empowered

 F

Futility
Fame
Fortune
Facination
Fun
Financial
Family
Forlorn
Fish Ponds
Film
Furniture
Friends
Fantasy
Fossil
Finding
Flood
Funding
Feminine
First Nations
F&B
FFE
Fire - **

G

GOD
Grants
Green
Government
Geology
Gratitude
Gifts
Generosity
Garnishment
Government
Guardian ad litum
Grace
General- Various Forms
Gumption
Grandparents  - **
Gardening
Golden Mean
Guilt – **
Geometry – **
Greif
 
H
Hay
Humming Birds
Home/Homeless
Hope
Hopelessness
Helplessness
Hunger
Heart
Happiness
Herbs
History
Humility
Horses
Hubris
Harsh - **
Humor
Hotels
Hate
Honesty
Honor
Health
HTML
 
I
Integrity
Intelligence
Injustice
Insolence
Illusions
Inspiration
Inequity
Indispensible
Insurance
Indignant
Interview- **
Isolation - **
Itinerant
 

J

Jesus
Jealousy
Jail
Joint Venture
Judicial System
Judgment
Jewelry
Joy
Justice
Journals
Jet Lag
Jubilant
 
K
Kiva
Kindness
 
L
Love
Lack
Lust
Loyalty
Limits - **
Looters
Lies
Liability
Liable
Life
Loans
Lease
Law – **
Leadership

M

Meta-Physical
Mental
Marriage
Mining
Materials
Mind
Mylar
Magic
Marooned
Mercy
Mountains
Music
Mayhem
Masculine
Medicine Wheel
Miracles
Massage
Mule
Mojo
Move – **
 
N
Non-compete
Non-disclosure
Neighbors
Neighborhoods
 
O
Offices
Order – **
Ordinary
Openness
Opposition
Ownership
o2c
 
P
Politics
Physical
Platinum Member
Polynesians
Possessions
Propane
Poverty
Prosperity
Polaris
PR
Pueblo
 
Q
Quandary
Quality

 R

Religious
Ranches
Rapture
Regret
Repossess
Resourceful
Resources
Relinquish
Respect
Release
Rodeo
Romance
Resumes
 
S
Skill
Skymiles
Suicide
Sensuous
Sexual
Spirit
Spiritual
Security – **
Sons
Staff
Seek
Self pity
Supplication
Sacrifice
Sanctification
Sustainability
Sustenance
Smudge
Slavery
Sympathy
Sacred
 
T

Taos

From the first time I visited New Mexico in 1995 I knew I’d be back.
Food, Air, Sky, Natural Beauty, History, People and so much more.  I felt I had a cosmic contract to fulfill and El Monte offered a way to initiate the completion of the agreement beginning in 2002. Flying in and out weekly in a little Cessna Caravan offered me the best views ever of the surrounding vistas . I was smitten from day one. I wanted to see and experience it ALL and I was certain that I had found Shangri-La. I dug deep into the history of the region and explored all the various landmarks and hidden treasures. In the beginning I just could get enough.    Little did I know  that I would leave there seven years later feeling like I’d just escaped from the Gulag.

Travel

Talent
Time warps
Testimony – different uses
Trials – as  above
Trails
Thwart
Trees
Trementia
Truth
Tragidy
Trust
Technology
Transformation
Toxic
Tonic
 
U

Unity

Unworthy

Uselessness

Unlimited

V
Victory
Value
Vanity
Vulnerability
Villain
Vacant - **
Vagrant
Voodoo
Volcano
Violence

W

Withholding
Witness - **
WWW
Water
Waste – **
Worth
Whelm
Wealth
Words
Worry
Wood
Withdraw
Withhold

X

?

Y

Yes

Yellow- **

Z

Zero- **

Connections

Connections

Many years ago there used to be a neat TV show called “Connections” hosted by a Britt-Science guy who would start the show with a meat-ball or something like it and then take you through Marco Polo, Silk worms, Fiji , the Aztec the Empire State Building and after an hour of this ,  back to the Meat-Ball…….all with a fascinating accent, great stories and beautiful film work. I really enjoyed that show.

Today I had a meeting with a guy who I met in one of my church groups. Actually I first met his son who was my study partner, who happens to have the same name as my son, is the same age and has a similar birthday. I then found out from him that his dad grew up in the same southern Texas City I did and in the same neighborhood. Then two weeks ago I met a guy whose brother was two years behind me in that same elementary school. Connections.

I left that city when I was eleven years old and had never been back until Edy and I took a trip there two years ago to meet with a guy who fabricates furniture for me (for 30 years, but we’d never met). We took a tour through the “old neighborhood” / “barrio” and parked in front of the house I essentially grew up in, off and on ( a story for another day). It was funny how I remembered vividly some parts of town but drew blanks with others. Overall it seemed smaller.

I remember boyhood friends with names like TG, JG, Ink,Surf, and of course Buzzard. Even Buzzards’ Mom would call him Buzzard. It was only later I thought how sad that was. I also had a bud who’s name was Randy Zant. It took my Mother several weeks before she asked me why I was always going over to Randy’s Aunts house? Moms.

We drove around the park I learned to play sports in and the elementary school I noted above which now has no playground but is full of mobile classrooms. I did note that it had air-conditioning and I’ll bet the kids are happy for that. As we drove out of town I thought to myself, “Hum, for 40+ years I’ve remembered, dreamed and had visions of this place and… well, I’m not coming back”.

 My only other similar experience was on the Shinkansen (Bullet Train) from Tokyo to Kyoto in the 80’s when I befriended a Canadian gent who as it happened bought a Condo in a Building I did in Marco Island, FL. He went on to describe in detail all the special things he enjoyed about the project and why he bought it because of those details. I was shocked and awed by the Connections. I never heard from him again.

 Of course in business you always run into a rep who knows your old rep from (fill in the blank) and then of course there is the whole “social networking” thing which is human relationships in a “cloud” and quite a science experiment in and of itself. I honestly find the whole Facebook thing quite fascinating. I have colleagues who swear by LinkedIN as “gospel”. Sometimes we’ll be talking about this guy or that woman and they will enlighten me with deep information about these folks. When I ask where in the world they learned that?.............They reply, “LinkedIN”. Omniscient.

 These same folks have over 1000 “connections” or “Friends” and a ga-zillion “Likes” on their FB pages. Holy Smokes, that’s a lot ! I think I have less that 10% of those combined. I believe they would call that minimally connected.

 Edy is returning tomorrow after being away for a very long time. She is bringing our favorite 7 year old boy for a week. I am thrilled out of my mind that they will be here in less than 24 hours. We have a lot of catching up to do.  Connection, deep and wide.

Endings and Beginnings

Endings and Beginnings

I’m still in a bit of a daze after returning from Taos Sunday night. We were blessed to receive a new child into our Village. I feel so grateful to have been able to participate and be a part of the celebration. Health, wholeness, beauty and love. Things so easily taken for granted are cherished in this place.

Nine months of excitement and anticipation dwindled down to a few months, then weeks, then days and then …”Voila’………..BIRTH”…! Close the pregnancy chapter and turn the page to “Day One”.

Mothers, Fathers, Siblings, Grandparents and of course the new child immediately shifted from what was, to what is ….in a single breath. Yep, the 1^st breath.

The levels of awe and wonder that wash over me when I see mothers with their new babies send me into a dream state. Intuition, instinct, knowing and shear bravery fill me with such reverence that words escape me. I just say a prayer of thanks, HUGE Thanks.

 

Home Birth, Water Birth, Midwives…..?

Edy slides right in, ever knowing, supportive and loving.

Dad participated; boys and I spent time together playing away from the “scene”. Legos, swimming pool and Animal Planet were welcome distractions while we awaited the arrival of the “new addition”. Little brothers immediately became BIG brothers and Big brothers became BIG-BIG Brothers.

Dad gulped……………as all Dad’s do.

And the band plays on……..

Sun rises …….sun sets……

All is well.