Dividends within Dividends

Dividends within Dividends

Edy and I arrived home late last night from our visit to Taos and immediately set into our “let’s get dinner game” rattling off all the places we’d previously scoped out for late night dining and settling on deli for our 1^st pick. Four more picks later we resigned ourselves to just get home and have an omelet, as our subsequent picks were closed and the game was getting un-fun fast.

We both have some kind of lung thing going on and have been hacking like coal miners for a few days now. Sleep has been fitful. I slept in a bit because I blew out a lung during the night and needed the extra time for it to find its way back into my body. We had good conversation early and then set out to grab some lunch at our old favorite Mediterranean food place and do some other errands. Ah, it’s good to be home.

Today is Leap Day 2012, that 24 hour dividend added on to the calendar every four years to “even things out”. I keep a photographic journal of the past dozen or so years so it was easy for me to pull up some shots from the last Leap Year and the one before that. On 02-29-08 Edy and I went for what we would call our “Prayer Walk”. We had done it together 4 years and 11 days prior but I did not put that together until today as I went through the archives.

The “Prayer Walk” is a trail that leads through Pueblo Land, past an old Mission and Cemetery, through grazing areas and down a long muddy road that ends at a huge wooden cross. It is set in the middle of nowhere on purpose with only the sacred mountains surrounding it and lots and lots of sky. As you walk you are encouraged to pick up rocks that “feel” right for you. When you arrive you take in the natural beauty and give thanks to your traveling companion(s) and then one by one offer the stones you collected to the cross as prayers……….one prayer after another.

In 2004 my “friend” Edith came to visit me in Taos and as a good host I thought it would be fun to show her a place that I found “special” and held in reverence. Four years and a few days later, Edy My Love (EML) and I would decide that a “Prayer Walk” would be a fun activity for Leap Day 2008.

I was 1^st introduced to the Prayer Walk in 2000 although it was the summer not February. It was a time of great heartache and I prayed for knowledge of God’s will, love and the well being of my family. In 2004 I prayed for the same thing while gazing at my “friend” from the corner of my eye. In 2008 I prayed the same prayer but included MY LOVE Edy’s children and their children as recipients of protection and well-being. We went home later that day and were able to give big love to grown kids and grandchildren together.

Today I say the same prayer realizing that I have been the recipient of numerous dividends within the dividends of this extra day we call Leap Day.  I also gave thanks in gratitude for Prayers continuously answered.

May you too reap deep dividends.

Blessings, DKS

Keeping It All Together

Keeping It All Together

I had some time this morning to play with my camera and learn a bit more about its exposure settings as I am way more familiar with film than CMOS sensors, for now. This came on the heels of learning another new “trick” within my CADD program yesterday. I have been using the same software for over 20 years but still learn new things about it constantly. Program Depth, I believe it’s called and it keeps me humble.

Parenting has been a big topic recently; partly because we’re visiting grandchildren, partially because it just “is”. I was reading a post from a young mother this morning on FB about challenges of having a house full of sick children all under 4 and thought, “yep, MOTHER, that is a very hard job”.

Dad’s go to work, fix things and do their best to add their specific nurturing element to a family, but Moms……..Moms keep it all together. Embodying the most sacred of the feminine in bringing forth the members of the family and keeping the container of “spirit” going through rain, sleet and the darkest nights…… Moms rock in their tireless devotion to the family and the individual members.

When Grandson #1 and I were going through the “powers” of the specific Chess Pieces yesterday, we quickly went through the pawns, rooks, knights, bishops and spent a bit more time with the King and Queen.  “The King has the power to win/loose the game but the Queen is the most powerful piece on the board”. He shook his head yes, “of course”…………….no more explanation needed……………he witnesses it every day.

Our Village is gifted with 4 extremely powerful “Queens” (although in truth, one is still a young “Princess” and will probably always stay that way in my mind). Having learned at the knee of the Queen of Queens I marvel at their abilities to instinctively love, nurture, protect and grow their families to achieve the levels of “life” they know is held within each DNA strand. It’s awe inspiring in its beauty and simplicity.  

I often wonder just how the Queens are supported in their efforts and an image emerged while shooting photos yesterday. Together the King and Queen can keep the tension to a minimum IF the King can support his Queen fully. Not as a replacement Queen but fully AS King. Queens can never be replaced except by other Queens; But when circumstances occur that Queens must also be Kings, this seems to work just fine because Queens can pull it off. They can rule and nurture forever as their reserve powers are seemingly endless. Not so for Kings.  Kings powers diminish as they try to become Queens. Their triumphs and conquests of yore are soon replaced by frustration and lack because the requisite skills do not exist. The more he tries to gain these powers the less King-ly he becomes and soon only chaos reigns the castle.  It’s endemic in our society and spans all social strata. I learned it first hand and now do not kid myself for one second, because I know who is Keeping it all together in our Village.

En Passant

En Passant

I spent the morning teaching my Grandson #1 Chess. We started off slowly and it quickly became evident that he was going to take to this like everything else he tries and master it in a day. By 10am we were on the regulation board and by 10:30am Grandpa had felt the misery of defeat………ugh. Watch out world!

Grandparents have an important role in families, when allowed. I feel very fortunate to be able to be a part of the boys’ lives and this Chess playing moment has been with me since the day #1 was born.

In my enthusiasm I saturated him with way too much information on History, Masters and Technique. “Capture, Castle, En Passant  and Rescue….. He was his normal kind, gentle, loving self and let it go on ….and on ….and on…..”Are you sure you want to make that move?” ……..”Hum, have you thought about what my next move will be?” ..”Wow, I did NOT see that coming !!!......GOOD MOVE !!!”…………….and on and on………He’s six and already holding his own in this family of know it all’s and chiefs. Unfortunately we overheard later him asking his brother “if he really wanted to do that?” ………Yikes !…….So, Grandpa is going to dial it down a few notches from here on out and just take care of my own game.

After he had a chance to also work his magic on Grammy with similar results we headed out to the toy store for a promised Monster Lego Set. The one we wanted was out of stock but a suitably complex “B” unit was selected in it’s place. Hundreds and hundreds of semi-microscopic pieces are already assembled (solo) and it’s still not bedtime. I am beyond impressed, I am in awe. Patience, determination, focus…………..Watch out World !

While the Lego-pazoola was underway I took a bit of time to take a walk, think a bit and shoot some photos. As much as I try to come to terms with visits back here in Taos, memories crop up unexpectedly and offer many opportunities for reflection as well as presence-ing.

I’ve lived in dozens of different places so far. Each location offered it’s gifts in all the various forms over and over again. I know people who have lived in the same place all their lives, I am not one. I had always found some quaint sense of family and home whenever I met folks who lived like that. I have come to terms with just passing through. Be it a few years, a couple of decades or even a month and a half in one instance I am coming to terms with being a 21^st Century Bedouin.   The good news is that 737’s have replaced Camels and I’m fine with that. As far as work goes I have not had to “be” anywhere for a very long time because of the internet. I think that more and more I will expand the list of places we want to visit and do just that, En Passant.

What a difference a year makes

What a difference a year makes

Decided to stay in today to rest my ribs and do some work while the rest of the gang went out to do their own things. As I was drawing wall sections the sun peeked through the clouds and illuminated the end of a console table in the Dining Room here revealing lots of nice heartwood end grain.  Annual rings from various pine logs exemplified “what a difference a year makes” very clearly. I became increasingly distracted and found drawing harder and harder as the clocked ticked. Soon I decided it was time for a portrait and a bit of writing before I got back to metal framing details.

“Humm???, Last year I was”………..working like crazy to make sure the resort project I had been hired to do was going to be open on time and on budget and dealing with the day to day dramas of a place that enjoyed dramas.

As mentioned previously every trip to Taos is its own trip. Lots of memories here of lots of things and I began thinking about annual rings in terms of sustenance that allows survival and growth much like trees and I had a bit of a shift internally of our  years here. If I had to visualize my own rings I’d say that all the time up until Taos were quite thin. Working to make sure monster payrolls were met, paying for multiple offices and homes, addressing staff, subs and owners drained me constantly. I brought all of that energy to Taos and maintained the multiple multiples for a while but it all evaporated into the ethers and I was left with me and a bunch of ashes…….

Thank God for Edy.   As I was licking my wounded ego and wallowing, she was introducing new elements into our relationship that did not require offices, staff or ga-zillions of dollars. That model has kept us going for years now and the rings are fat and strong………….and getting stronger.  I did not have the receptors to even know this kind of life was possible until then but continue to embrace them as they changed our lives that 1st year ………………    And the year after that, and the year after that and the year after that…………..wow, what a difference a year makes…………

I'll Survive

I’ll Survive

As I write our 4 year old grandson is screaming his lungs out over something he feels is really important. Parents are members of a special club that no one who is not one will ever “get”. Much like combat veterans, broken hearted lovers or those in recovery, no one can read their way through “the experience”. When we’re here visiting the Taos gang I always think of just how fast time flies. Blink once and the vocal 4 year old will be asking for car keys, blink again and you’re at his house visiting his new family……..then poof……

When we were traveling here we took our seats in the 1^st vacant row we came to and it was not until I had avoided eye contact with every other boarding passenger and made sure my force-field shield was on so the middle seat would remain “ours”   that I noticed we were in front of the exit row. “Crap”, what little bit of comfort that was available in the form of a 5 degree incline would not be mine for the next two hours. My first thought was of 1^st class but that evaporated. I’ll survive.

We went skiing today. It was windy very windy, what some might call Idiot Wind. Fortunately it was mostly sunny and not terribly cold so it was more a weather show that it was a misery maker. Clouds were zipping above the mountain top at such speed that the head winds were tearing off the leading edges and smashing them into the cloud in front. It was impressive until you turned a corner and got your face snow-blasted back to your 20’s.

I had a couple of what I felt were good runs then caught a tip because of bad habits and smashed my ribs into the mountain with such force that I lost my breath. It felt exactly like getting head butted in the flank when I played rugby. “Man that’s gonna lave a mark” I thought as I struggled to re –attach my skis and return to the basics of skiing for the rest of the day.   I was bummed because my semi-cool parallel skier mask formed over the past few months had been ripped off and my lack of fundamentals had been exposed.    Breathing was (still is) difficult but because I did not have poles for my fundamentals,  it let my ribs off the hook for the remaining dozen or so runs because my arms did not have to do much. Good thing I’ve been doing yoga because all the sitting on air exercises paid off. Dang, I hate being a beginner at anything!!! …………………but just like yoga, it won’t be forever and having good basics always pay off big dividends. Unlearning any bad habits takes longer than getting it right the 1^st time, so I’ll be snow plowing for a while.  Be it Skiing, Biking or Sailing …….they’re same thing, good basics = NO DEATH.       I’ll survive.

Both grandkids are now doing puzzles together; things have mellowed out.  Annoyances meld into snuggles which meld into baths, teeth brushing and then bed and then more snuggles ………….. only to be repeated tomorrow, Thank Goodness !  

I will close now and head over to the recliner to make up for some lost lumbar angle time while sounds of kids snoring begin to permeate the house………….somehow everything just works out just the way it’s supposed to……………we all  survived.

No Regrets !

      Edy's V-Day Lillies -2012

No Regrets

Edy and I went to yoga this morning. It was hot ! I’ve been trying out my new skills learned during my private session last Friday and feel a lot of improvement. The biggest challenge will be undoing three decades of sitting on my butt and more specifically every second helping of anything and everything I’ve ever indulged in since day one that resides on my core in the form of added insulation. Despite the fact that I don't drink or eat red meat, I've found other indulgences that I now see in the mirror every morning and yet, I regret nothing!!

My 60 day Bikram Challenge will be off by a few days because we are going to be visiting kids/grandkids but I feel good about that too and regret nothing.  I’ll be doing a lot of outdoor activities, working on projects and playing with kids; I’m really excited about the trip and told Edy that “we’re going bye-bye  in the morning” as we left our neighborhood sushi place today; practicing my grandpa corn for the kids……………..she endures me,they endure me too.

I have a fun project I’m working on that offers just the right balance of creativity, drudgery, and mystery to keep me interested. Should either of them gain too much importance I get bogged down in the minutia and lose momentum. The owners are nice folks with a good vision and I am very grateful to be part of it. It is so much different than other projects I’ve been involved with but also exactly the same as others so it has a life of its own and there is an element of humor in it that is refreshing. I need more humor in all parts of my life.

We stopped by the storage closet to grab a suitcase when we got home from lunch and I got a tingle in my gut as I pulled it from the upper stack. Many, many years of travel. Many, many duplicates of things scattered all over the country in various “homes and offices”. There is an old Firesign Theater skit about   “How can you be two places at once when you’re not anywhere at all?” ……….I got it then, I get it now.

“Home is where Edy is”. That is an important statement because I’ve never felt like I had a home, ever. I moved a lot as a kid and tried to fill in the blank with "properties" in adult-hood to no avail.  The closest was our place in Taos but that turned out to also be an illusion. Our place here is nice. We love our neighborhood and location but if we had to pack up tomorrow to go elsewhere, I’d be ok with that too; as long as it was “Me and Edy”, the where doesn't really matter.

Every trip back to Taos brings up “stuff”.

Dreams thwarted, winters,springs,summers,autumns of discontent, memories of people, places, things past …This trip feels a bit different in that I’m really excited about seeing everyone and spending time with them. Sure we had hard times in Taos, who hasn’t ? It’s the place that tests everyone who dares to go there. I’m no different, although for the longest time I was cetain I was. It feels good to be able to return to the place that actually showed me what I was made of and give heartfelt thanks for the opportunity know me just a little bit more. No Regrets!

Cool Hyper-Giants



Lunation Series                      Winter Solstice #8                                            c-2006



Cool Hyper-Giants

Today has been a day of ease and flow. Light Sunday brunch, yoga, a little shopping and home to keep the good times rolling before we head out in a few days to visit the Taos gang.

Every week we get a nice astrological post from a lady we like. This week spoke about the new moon on Tuesday and its relationship with NML-Cygni.  .NML-Cygni is a Cool Hyper Giant Star which means its color ranges are more toward the yellow orange spectrum as opposed to Hot Hyper Giants which are blue to white. One extremely “cool” thing about them is that they was billions of times larger than our own sun and have the exponential energy output you would associate with that kind of mass. So graphically a pin point on a basketball would be about ¼ the size needed to be an accurate Sun, then the earth pin pointed on the sun and then you and I pinpointed at 1000000x reduction on the earth and well.. you get the “point” , they’re BIG– (pun intended).

Whenever I think of stars I always think of light and the time it takes for light to get to us and what has transpired from then – til now. I used to have a cool telescope I bought to look at the heavens in Taos. I used it less than a dozen times. When I did use it I was always amazed at what was out there through the glaze of our atmosphere. Moons of Jupiter were always a favorite as was our own moon at high magnification.   Nebulae other planets and just the sheer number of stars was breath-taking.

Today as I read about the moon cycling around again on Fat Tuesday in line with Cool Hyper Giants I thought about Mardi Gras, Human Evolution and Camera Shutters. Mardi Gras because I have fond memories of living in NOLA during that time and remember it every year, Human Evolution in terms of “us” even knowing about Cool Hyper Giants and Camera Shutters because as I looked through the telescope I was like a human camera shutter capturing a moment of time/life of each of the stars, planets and galaxies in my mind for future recall. My own “cerebral cloud” backup system; my memory.

I heard a teacher at yoga this morning share with a student a very intimate personal experience he had during one of his teacher training sessions. He shared about remembering deeply held beliefs that came to the surface during the intensity of his training experience and the emotional response that welled from the deepest parts of his core as they were met and released. He was not prompted to share this information, he offered it freely. I remain touched.  

Which then got me thinking about the Willy Nelson song, “My Heroes have always been Cowboys” .   Looking deeper into the graphics of pin-points, within pin-points, within pin points over the millennia,  I see that I am actually surrounded by some VERY Cool Hyper Giants within my own Village. We pool our energies to “keep shining” and doing whatever is needed to ensure the next generation of “stars” can also shine as bright as possible. All this light exposes a lot for all to see and also casts shadows. They are all addressed as they emerge ….one by one…in their own time.......…. Only Heroes can wrestle shadows…………We are a village of heroes!