Wa

Wa

Sleep does not come too easily these days. It’s only been a couple of weeks since I left Edy in Taos to head back here but it seems like eons, particularly in the wee hours. Despite having a couple of good books going (one of which I am really liking) and access to a ga-zillion channels available on cable I find it hard to get to sleep and harder to stay there when Edy is not here. In fact one of the 1^st things I noticed when we got together all those years ago was that I slept through the night(s)….I never slept through the nights in all my life and I took note of that fact then and there!...............and have been spoiled ever since.

So, I got up pretty early and drew for a while until it was time to chat via FB-txt with Edy as she woke up. I then packed up and headed off to noon yoga in the heat again. I made good time and sat on “my bench” and watched the cardinals and doves do their thing waved “hi” or should I say “Hola” to the guy who sells ice cream to the kids via his special three wheel bike contraption. I dig this guy and every time I see him feel I am in Cuidad Mexico, Monterey or Saltillio….. “rrrrrr-ring”…………..”rrrr-ing”………..even his thumb actuated bell has an accent as he draws out each ring for as long as possible.

I read his mind as he passes everyday at 11:30 as he says to himself, “pobre gringo, every day I see him and he still has no job, just sits there watching the birds’”…….  I resist the urge to tell him to hang back for 10 more minutes because then the prior class will be coming out and the little pictures of ice-cream all over his cooler-basket will be irresistible to the throngs of the hot and sweaty. But that is not my “job”.

The birds were verging on heat stroke today too and one little nut hatch went from branch to branch looking for goodies, then would sit for a bit and pant until he had enough reserves to keep it going. A very bold grackle walked right up to me and looked me in the eye as if to say “you talking to ME?” – If he was a cat he would have been a scrappy old Tom with only parts of ears.  This reminded me of my previous nights channel surfing and watching Taxi Driver again with a young Rbt DeNero doing the original version of that now classic line. Anyway, I was in my “zone”, mellow and zen like,  when out of nowhere the landscape guys materialize with weed-whackers and shoulder mounted blowers going at full blast attacking weeds, leaves and my Wa in the most violent manners possible. The birds boogied but for me, there was no escape from the assaults. I just sat and did my best to ignore them, It’s MY Wa !!

Class was almost unbearable (heat and humidity) but I survived and then peddled back home to pick up where I left off before I took off in the 1^st place. Exterior Elevations, Interior Elevations, Wall sections all came together easily as I just focused and drew like crazy. I multi tasked by sending Edy some music I found on YouTube so that she and I could fuse via tunes.  By early evening I had taken the job as far as I could without client input so just closed it up and turned away from it for the night.

I mentioned the book I am really enjoying; it is The Eagles Throne by Carlos Fuentes. I love his writing and I particularly love the use of language albeit translated. So rich, so nuanced and so ……Latino.   Man those guys can write!! Gabriel Garcia Marquez is another favorite and I am looking forward to another night of page turning.

I love where we live and am very grateful . It’s quiet, tranquil and suits my Wa quotient quite well.   Yesterday was dumpster pickup day (4am) so there will be nothing to keep me from my slumber should tonight be THE night to get a full night’s sleep......

……as long as I don’t look left.    

Critical “I”

Critical “I”

“Hump day” has turned out to be like the previous two days this week. Anticipated connections fizzled and bright possibilities from the days/weeks previous dimmed as realities were exposed. The tendency is to slide towards the “slippery slope” but for whatever reason I’m taking all these continued “thwarts” as a sign that they were just not meant to be anyway, (for today at least).

I’ve been making a really conscious effort to keep gratitude and positivity in the forefront of my thinking and interactions with other humans, not that I have that many encounters these day. It’s too easy to get into the “aint it awful” game, particularly in an election year. I’m fortunate to have a small little project I’m doing now that allows me a creative outlet and I’m quite grateful for the opportunity.  It is exactly like the work I used to do when I first started in business a few decades ago so it goes quite quickly.

My bike ride to yoga was hotter than the blazes, even though it was before noon when I left. Class was hot and super humid and this month classes have been very small. So our intimate little group sweats and moves and stretches and rest as a “squad” and not the “platoon” that the space usually holds.  

I’ve been making some great improvements in my practice as I can now reach where no reaching was possible, stretch where no stretching was possible and bend where no bending was even considered to be a possibility.  It’s really hard work but after 8 months I am amazed at what has been accomplished with this old beat up body of mine. One of the first things on my list in the morning is a big ol ‘ THANK YOU to my body. It functions amazingly AND is getting better each day.

In my business details are everything. Space, Light, Form, Pattern. Flow, composition etc….everything must harmonize and blend toward making the most pleasing “environment” possible. Therefore for many years I have been quite critical of others spaces yet never more critical than the attention I give to those I have created. Same goes for my photography, furniture designs, systems of all sorts and business in general. “Critical” to the MAX !............It used to serve me well for a very long time but I am re-thinking my relationship with the Critical “I”.

After class today I overheard a young girl speaking to one of the women at the desk. “But my belly” she was saying. “It’s so big and those other girls are all, like models”. “Ouch”, I thought to myself . The front desk woman handled it all perfectly explained how yoga works and how body image also changes with the practice. “Humm, others with Critical “I” ‘ s” I thought to myself, it was good to witness it from this perspective. For my first 40 days in class I wore a tshirt because I was too self conscious of my “large-ness”. After 40 days at 105 degrees I figured out that “I” was the only one looking at me and “I” better get over it. Everyone in the place has only one person on their minds – themselves (except when Edy is in the room and then….well, I just can’t help myself).  The other thing I heard today during class is that being critical with yourself for your yoga class would be equivalent to being critical with yourself for taking a bath. 

Its yoga !.........................It’s a bath !!........................It’s a breath !..................It just IS.

So as I was riding my bike home in the solar oven and humidity I began thinking that all this effort toward “sowing new seeds of business” and “helping out” has not really gone all that well lately. The last few projects I’ve had resisted my “suggestions” of  various “improvements” that could benefit them. I’m beginning to realize that sometimes it’s better to just hold off on “suggestions” until asked for them despite being paid for just such advice. Some folks just want what they want – period. The one exception to this has been our yoga studio. I made a long list of suggestions of things that could use to be fixed/altered or repaired and just left it with the owner, no charge. Next thing I know things are getting fixed, hazards repaired and energy saved. “Humm,I thought, perhaps  the Critical “I” might need to become a volunteer, then I remembered that THAT is exactly what he has done for all years past. “Volunteer Information” requested or not………………I then re-thought the re-thought and decided that the Critical “I” just IS……We’ll agree to just get over it and leave it at that.

“I” am not going anywhere.

Breakin Free

Breakin’ Free

I awoke disoriented from my dreams and looked around to see that I was safe and sound. “It was only a dream”, I reminded myself as I untied myself from the Gordian knot of sheets and blankets I worked myself into during the night. As I stood up and grabbed my water glass I turned back to the bed and was reminded of the “doozie” of an experience I encountered during the previous few short hours.

Edy is still in Taos with the gang while I work to coax green shoots of local business from the griddle hot pavement. I miss her terribly and busy myself pretty well during the day. Evenings are generally OK if I have a few books going but I missed the library on Friday and have been book-less for the past few days. TV is my only salvation for escape. I am always amazed how I can never find a thing to watch out of the ga-zillion channels available. I’ll “surf”  a bit then multi-task via Ipad to Google something that needs further investigation and that is always fun for  a bit too. Eventually though I look left and see her pile of pillows, just sigh and feel the void; Ugh !

My dreams last night centered around having a few dozen projects all going at the same time and in different parts of the world with the various hoops that one must jump through for the various personalities, politics and code enforcement officials that each area and project brings with it. This one also included Financial Folks for the various projects and all of their shenanigans in posturing and power trips they like to thrust on anyone in their sphere(s). Then added to this whole mess was the awareness part way through that somehow I had obtained partners and these partners had brought with them their own teams and staff. They are all talking to me like I know them and that all of these projects I had landed and currently managed were now theirs. They were saying things like “My” this and “Mine” ……..in every discussion with the Owners, Bankers, Lawyers, Politicos etc….Each time I asked them individually and collectively “Who are you “? The more I asked the more they would fake smile and do the “Mine, Mine, Mine”, thing to someone else….It was a freak show and I did not know how to stop it. So, at one point I just pulled my chair back from the monster boardroom table ( I had designed a decade previous) and just “observed” ………While the din of the Corporate nonsense was blabbering forth I began a dream within a dream of an old boat I used to have off the Mystic River in CT.

“Breakin-Free”.

I traded work for her from a Dr. buddy of mine who bought her after his divorce. She was only 24ft, and kind of old but had good bones and new sails.  I enjoyed the heck out of her for years. It’s super bad luck to change the name of a boat without “proper ceremony” so not being that confident with my position with Poseidon and his realm, I kept the name to ensure the safety of me, my passengers and crew. I ended also trading her muich later for work from a contractor buddy of mine so I could also break free of some stuff…………..thus continuing the good luck and going full circle.

I re-entered the Corporate Dream with the folks around the table looking at me asking when the Certificates of Occupancy would be issued on X,Y,Z ??? while others were wondering why the Cork from Portugal was late??? (again) and why our land holdings in Mexico were now nationalized ?.................:”Good questions” I said as I got up and left the room….”Very Good Questions” I again said to myself as I kept on walking.  I could see them all looking and mumbling at me through the windows of a Conference Space I knew quite well. As I walked out I could see that the cleaning people still did a disgraceful job at that place……

……fade to light…………and start making coffee.

I walked over to church this AM and the guest Pastor was a funny eloquent black man cut from the cloth of other strong southern preachers before him. He had 40,000 folks laughing, crying, singing and basically jubulating their collective hearts out. It was a blast and I came home un-slimed from my nights excursion and in a very happy place.

As I was walking in the Garage I passed a couple who looked like they just came out of a Red Square USSR Propaganda Poster. As we came closer the guy turned away and sneezed, BUT he sneezed WITH an accent !! No kidding ! It made a great day even better and I gave them both a nod and a  “Do svidaniya” as we passed. As I got to the elevator I started thinking about James Bond and Blind Drops and all the associated Spy Stuff that comes from passing Russians in a garage ………….(Is it just me ?)

Anyway, last week was one heck of a ride. A huge build up and then over the edge freefalling to the next……….and now I’m just sitting in the pool waiting to get filled up enough to flow over the edge again for the free fall to the next-next………then the next….Breakin Free, an atom at a time.   

Soul Food

Lunation Series                                                              Blue Moon                                                           c-2006

Soul Food

“Woa, how long was I out for?”, I thought to myself,  as I looked around and saw that what was nothing but empty space when I sat down was now full of fellow yogis and yoginis getting ready for class.  I had pedaled over in the rain via the “long way” to class this afternoon as I just could not stand being inside any longer. The ride was very wet but at least the temperature was bearable. I made it in pretty good time and set up my mat and came out to “my bench” to listen to the rain and just chill pre-class and fill my soul with some calm. “Drip, drip, drip”…… There is a faulty flashing at the eave of the roof I sit under and it is allowing moisture to get in the soffit below. Until we address this it will keep on dripping like a metronome, rotting out the roof and my brain will respond and shut down as it has been conditioned to with such sounds. (Pavlov has nothing on me….get me on a beach and watch REAL programmed behavior…..zzzzzzz…). Anyway,  I wasn’t really asleep (my eyes were open) but I’ll be darned how these people materialized?   Honest.

Today has been a roller coaster. Waking up to an empty house stinks, and its worse when it’s grey and raining. I had a big case of the bums creeping up on me as I drank coffee and waited to connect with Edy via Facebook. We both needed to get ready for church but her timeslot was ahead of mine and she suggested giving our favorite granddaughter a call. Excellent Idea!!

L#2 and I had a great conversation as she walked me through every single change in décor that had happened in her room since we were there a couple of weeks ago. Wow, lots can happen in a couple of weeks ! I felt my bum lifting, (auditory soul food) and was very grateful for access to her. I walked over to church and got there early and people watched for a bit until services started. One of the gents behind me said it takes 4000 volunteers to staff each service. Wow ! Service was good (more auditory Soul Food) as always and I left feeling the bum lifted even more. I returned home, changed, made a light lunch and then started to feel the slippery slope tilting………ugh. “OK, you can do this”, I coached myself. “Leave early for yoga, ride in the rain and take the long way, you’ve got plenty of time”. So that is what I did.   

Along the way I reviewed my “play list” of favorite music and recalled Santana’s Abraxis Album.  One of my all time favorite albums for its mastery of music and mood (cover art was cool when I was 13 too). I peddled with it in my head for several miles. I thought about others too as my musical tastes range from Wagner to Wycliff (early Wycliff) I don’t think I’ve bought new music since 2005….? Anyway class was crazy hot and I was drained when I got out.  I hydrated a bit and rode back home in the rain which was actually quite refreshing.

 Dinner was simple and I had a brief chat with Edy before she was called off to play Candy Land. I pulled up one of the songs I wanted from the Santana album from Youtube and was pleasantly surprised that you can get entire albums there. “Who would have thunk?”, I thunk to myself as I scrolled through my top ten listings……..”This is GREAT !!”  My goodness they have EVERYTHING !!  I really love music and used to have it playing all the time in my office via a 400 CD changer. I have forgotten how much I miss it. (more auditory Soul Food)

 I used to love going to concerts as a lad. That and playing drums in garage bands pretty much ruined my hearing. It’s one of the things I’m hoping yoga can also cure.

So, Carlos and I wrote part of this together and now I’ve invited Pink Floyd in to take us home to the Dark Side of the Moon, cranking out arias into my ear-buds .....

”Huh….?....WHAT???...What’s that ???..WHAT DID YOU SAY???.........”

.....“Sorry, I can’t hear you , I’ve got Soul Food in my ears !!”

Make My Day

Make My Day!

I read until late last night about the Roman Empire and G.J.Caesar’s rise from a less than zero to ….well, Caesar. I find this stuff fascinating. Humans throughout history continue to be so darned entertaining. I did have the Olympics on for a bit and saw Phelps win and the cute little gymnast, but Rome beckoned and I needed to single task for the rest of the night.

This morning I fixed a broken switch on the dryer because I needed an “accomplishment” and had it operational in 5 minutes. Victory! I then peddled over to yoga in the heat, met with the owner and did class with another set of victories in the form of non-modified poses. “This day is getting better already”, I thought as I sat outside downing water after class.  In that I have nothing really going on I’ve been assisting the Studio in some Energy Retrofits and other Facilities Issues. I figure, “Hey, I’m here every day and they need the help, why not”. Plus, it just plain feels good . Today we addressed access panels, pex fittings and Energy Tax Credits. The new lighting I spec’s for them saves 90% AND they get Credits back post-installation so it’s a good thing and when they heard, it made their day.

I have a contractor buddy who is building a Industrial park and looking for tenants. A woman at yoga happened to ask me if I knew anyone with warehouse space (while talking bicycles – go figure?) I put them together and made both of their days.

I started on a project yesterday that involves going through tons of files I have. Truthfully there are only three file bins left because the TONS (literally) were already dumped a few years ago. I’m cleaning out to make room for new …whatever ???….all I know is that I have not looked at one bin all year, SO, out she goes…! While digging, I ran across some really old photos from Jr  High and High School. I scanned them and sent them to the two individuals in the images and they wrote back that I made their day.

Then later this afternoon I got some disturbing news. I knew it was coming as I had actually been awaiting it since week before last. Bummer. I then went down to the office and picked up two packages. One was mailed on July 3^rd and just arrived. Between that and the Bummer news, I felt certain that the Time Warps were at play again and felt grateful for both as the dichotomy of good news/bad news delayed was just too much to let slide.  The #2 package was a beautiful glossy book from a Metal Artist buddy of mine showing off some of the work we did together many moons ago. It included a beautiful shot of mine of my “Hopi Corn Portraits” I had sent him years ago. It made my day!

I read a lot of varied stuff online from professional journals and business to new means, methods, codes and products, as well as personal stuff on spiritual matters, art, photography ….etc.. I know I’m in the “flow” when the same message is being given from the most dis-similar sites. Today was the similarity of the feeling  of excitement –vs- fear and how to really know what you’re feeling (is it the pit of doom or the beginning of a great adventure?) and the other  was a quote about “increasing your success rate on anything by doubling your failure rate”.  Lord knows I’ve had a lot of successes…………and come to think of it not that many failures, BUT, when either of them happens, they have been doozies.  I think I was spoiled early on with too many successes and developed an attitude that I was always going to have successes. When failures hit (as they must) I was ill prepared to handle them in a calm and even manner. I felt if I just “raging bull” ‘d my way through them all would right itself and things would return to bliss and harmony (not that that was the reality) but it was my MO.

These days I tend to be a bit softer with the changes. I did not say I always like them in the moment and yes, I can still rage at the heavens but it’s getting more tempered.  I seek opportunity but also allow it to find me through patience and calm……………………………………(kinda)……………...

“Hey OPPORTUNITY !!!……Yea, YOU !!!……..”Come over here and MAKE MY DAY!!”

(Progress, not perfection)

Sipapu

Sipapu

There is a saying we use in our Village that we borrowed from 12 Step Programs (in Texas they are called 2 Step programs)  that says “You’re right on schedule …………and it’s not your own”. It’s humorous when things are “peachy”, not so much when not a darned thing seems to be going the way I want it to go. Time warps, Thwarts, Uncertainty and all the DIS words are still doing their thing as 2012 rolls into it’s last 33%.

It’s hotter than anything here and most of the folks around here that don’t have real jobs have left for their summer spots. Mostly CO and NM from what I understand, although a few just travel around, because they can. Our neighborhood grocery store asks each customer if they want a cup of ice with their receipts, “right neighborly of them”, I thought as I checked out earlier today, I took my ice and ate it as I peddled through the steam room that is my home town. Jokes aside, I was actually very grateful and crunched as fast as I could before I ended up drinking those little nuggets.

I walked over to the Church tonight to attend a Men’s Meeting, my first. The speakers were ex NFL guys and the messages were very good and uplifting. I stayed afterward to speak with them and some of the other gents and basically mingled. These are all good folks with no other agenda than to be better men.  I like that and will be back.

I have two books going at once, one on Cicero, the Roman Orator and Statesman as told by his scribe ( a very interesting guy too……..If you’ve ever used this “&” , it’s some of his work, he “invented” short-hand as well as “ i.e…& etc..…)  and another, a Mystery Cop book from an author I like a lot. Dreams have been quite interesting and spanned time. There’s that time warp thing again, even in dream states. Regardless, I love a good story however new or old it is.

As I walked back from the meeting tonight I got to thinking about worship (in general)  and then the TX 1%’rs hanging out in CO or NM or wherever and the folks who used to live there earlier. For whatever reason I found great humor in that thought and something one of the NFL guys said tonight. He said one of the veteran players asked him if he knew what NFL meant? He stated the obvious and the vet laughed and said , “Son, it means Not For Long……….SAVE well !”    

In Hopi legend the Spider Woman ushered the people up through the Sipapu at each of the four stages of evolution experienced thus far. This was not an easy journey as each journey was reached as their existing world crumbled or was flooded around them. These oral histories have been told for millennia much the same way the stories from all the son’s of Abraham have. I like all of those stories too.   

I counted thirteen Kivas in the single shot above, which is only a portion of this particular lodge. That’s a lot of worship. Were they praying for Food , Shelter, Rain, Crops, Health, Family, Love or just grateful to be delivered from the misery that was their 3^rd level homes? ………….”Hum?”……Basics, SO easy to take for granted.

I now sit in front of a computer that was a gift, after just communicating with my love, and eating a meal that I prepared, in a home that has AC, getting ready to go to bed and read books I got from my local library in a town that I love and am reminded…

”Yep, I’m right on schedule all right, and Thank Goodness, It’s not my own !”

E=mc2

E=mc2

Edy and I took off for a whirl-wind weekend visit to NM to pre-celebrate an upcoming 5 year old birthday.Things are pretty intense here in TX and the timing of the visit was perfect. Edy stayed to keep the good times rolling, I returned to get some stuff going here.

It’s always good to see the gang and see how much the little guys have grown since our last visit only a few months ago. Wow 5 years old for L3 already! It seems like a “blink” and a “few lifetimes” all wrapped up in a beautiful blond headed package. Time seems to be like this these days, relative.

My flight home was delayed several hours, yet I finished my library book at the original departure time, so I had lots of EXTRA time on my hands to think and watch folks in the airport as the evening grew later and later. I thought about time, timing, delays, expectations, precision, warps and slots; All relative.  I then thought about family and the word relative(s) and how the same laws for time seem to fit with the overlays placed on these individuals just because they have created or become part of a particular time/space continuum.

One of the definitions of relative I think works perfectly for both is :

3. something dependent upon external conditions for its specific nature, size, etc.

Time for the sake of time means nothing unless there is someone there to give it importance. I listened as the boys watched a NatGeo show on dinosaurs which broke the Planet’s existence into a 24 hour period from post big bang (life) to now – Dinosaurs lived from Midnight to 5pm – Then newer animals and plants took over until 3.5 seconds ago which is the duration of our existence as humans.  Time, lots of time AND lots of relatives preceding us.

Relative(s) all come into the world as “beings” and are initially dependent on their hosts and villages to nurture their being-ness until such time that they can sprout and claim interdependence / independence. The imprinting on/from the other relatives is in most cases indelible and hard wired into each as they continue to grow in their respective time slots. Despite the imprinting each has an individual energy that seems to shine brighter and brighter each year unless some trauma / drama befalls one or all and then various neutral density filters take over until such TIME that they too can be identified and set aside.

 Anyway, as I sat in the Albq airport thinking about all this stuff while already missing my love and loved ones I thought about the Pale Blue Dot and that in the big scheme of things, the reality of missing is just a fraction of a nano-second………..But, then again, that too is relative.